Bridging the crossroads
by Ilovedensi1711
Summary: Based on what could have happened with kensi and Deeks in between and after episodes.
1. Chapter 1

A/N Anxiously awaiting season 10, I'm kinda stuck on my other story. I decided that since season 5 is probably one of my favorite seasons, I'd write some things Inthink Kensi and Deeks went through. I think season 5 really began to define Kensi and Deek's blooming relationship. This takes place after three hearts and onward through season 6. I do not own NCIS LA or any of the characters. Reviews always welcome.

Kensi sat in her driveway wondering if Deeks had opened the box. She thought about her partner a ton over the past few months. They finally blurred the line between partners and lovers when she was abruptly swept awAy to the hell of Afghanistan. Many nights, the only thing that helped her sleep was the thought of his ocean blue eyes and his shaggy blonde hair. She would scroll through photos of him she had her phone, wishing he was lying beside her. It only took her a few sessions with Nate to be fully ready to reenter the field. She missed her partner desperately and wanted to reconnect on some level after work tonight. Unfortunately, Paul Angelo and his mental games affected Deeks to a breaking point and they each went home alone. Or at least she hoped Deeks went home alone. As much as he loved the ladies, she secretly hoped she would be the only ladybird he had eyes for anymore. She lifted her phone to text him, but decided against it. She put her brown locks back against the headrest and closed her eyes for a moment. She couldn't bring herself to get out of the car and go into her own bed alone. Her phone still in her hand, she felt the soft sweet vibrations, afraid to look but hoping it was him.

Deeks pulled into his driveway. He was still reeling from Kensi's little game. He was completely and utterly conflicted over his emotions. He told Kensi the night before she left that he was falling in love with her. He truly meant that. He would never say such strong words just to have sex with her. He hadn't really ever told anyone he loved them. "What are you doing to me?" He reiterated what she had asked him that night. He was scared of what could happen if they kept blurring the lines, but he longed for her. He knew he really was falling in love with her and that scared the hell out of him. She had been away from him for months. He missed her scent, he missed her smile, he. Issues everything about her. He had a hard time sleeping while she was in Afghanistan. He would go to work, come home eat, play with Monty, and long for her. He was so happy to have her back today. He wanted to spend time with her away from work, but that damn case. Today of all days, he was looking at Paul Angelo, knowing that he would be in the same predicament if it came to Kensi. The person he became in Afghanistan to save her made him cringe. But, to live a day without her, made him cringe even more. He picked up his phone without any more thought, "what's in the box, Kens?" He typed out with a winky face. Hesitantly, he pushed send, knowing if she responded he wouldn't be able to resist asking her to come over.

Kensi finally worked up the nerve to glance at her phone. A huge smile crossed her lips. "Didn't you open it?" She responded.

"To find a second box! What's in the box?"

"Why didn't you open the second one?"

He thought how to respond. "Scared I guess."

She wanted to reassure him, but wasn't sure how. "Me too," was all she could type.

"Come over?" He couldn't resist anymore. He needed her next to him. The night of "cold" that Hetty prepared him for in her words, the night Kensi was whisked from him, "button up Mr. Deeks, it's cold out there" was certainly an accurate statement. He anxiously awaited her response.

She was taken back by his text. Waiting so much to head straight there and make up for the months apart, she responded "you sure? Earlier?" She sent without finishing.

"I don't know what I'm sure of anymore, besides that I miss you."

He heart was beating rather pounding in her chest. "On my way,"

She wasn't sure where the night would lead, but she was sure where she wanted it to go. She thought about their first night together making love and the awkward next day. She didn't want it to be the same thing this time. She had hoped they could handle whatever transpired tonight. She knew Deeks was torn, hell if she was being honest, she was as well. She had seen his third heart, she knew that remark from Angelo was accurate. He had seen hers as well. They were vulnerable when it came to each other. It was part of what made them amazing partners. They trusted each other completely. Something that was not an easy task for either of them. When she gave him her father's knife, it was more than just a knife. It was her way of saying something without actually saying it. Every time she was angry at him, she was actually angry at herself for doing the same. When he returned the knife tonight, she felt hurt. She felt that he no longer wanted her. To her surprise , in Deeks' inability to say what he actually meant as well, he told her he believed raccoons mated for life. She knew he was speaking of them. He was driving her insane, she was driving herself insane, she just wanted them to cross the damn frozen lake already. She hoped tonight was a start. She pulled in to his driveway and fixed her hair. She took a deep breath and texted, "I'm here."

He was waiting at the door, his hair damp as he was freshly showered. He nervously ran his hands through his mop. She entered the doorway just as nervous. Neither knew why they felt anxious, but both were consumed with bundles of nerves.

"Hi," she looked in his ocean blue eyes with her deep brown ones.

He couldn't think, he couldn't resist cupping her face and kissing her fervently.

"Deeks," she whispered.

"For once, I don't want to talk kens," he pulled her closer.

She wanted this more than she could have ever known. This man was her soul mate. She knew at that moment there was no one else for her. They just had to figure out how to make it work. She didn't want to lose him as her partner, but she couldn't help but want more. He led her to his bedroom. Familiarity ran through her veins. This time she didn't question anything. She was his, even if it was just for the night.

He swept her hair away from her neck and gently kissed several spots. Kensi shivered at his touch. She slid her hand across his chest. She proceeded to move them under his shirt across his back. Chills ran down his spine. He quickly pulled his shirt over his head exposing his bare muscular chest. Kensi gawked for a moment. He pulled up her chin and resumed kissing her. No words were exchanged between them as they continued exploring each other. The first time they spent together was full of uncertainty. Unsure of where they would go after, unsure that they should be crossing the line, unsure of their feelings, but tonight was different. Tonight was reconnecting with each other and showing one another how much they had missed spending time together.

She slowly kissed down his chest. Feeling every ridge and every tone muscle. He began unbuttoning her shirt. They had all the time in the world tonight. He slid her shirt off her shoulders. He refrained from thinking about anything except the gorgeous woman standing in front of him. He caressed her breasts. Kensi let out a small whimper. He wanted to tell her how beautiful she was, but he was honest when he said he didn't want to talk.

He moved Kensi back and slowly lowered her to his bed. He kissed down her chest and began unbuckling her jeans. Kensi couldn't move, her body was froze, letting this man take her as she was. He slid her jeans down her long slender legs. He couldn't help but stare at her for a few moments. He moved himself up to kiss her mouth again. Kensi could feel him harden beneath his sweats. She struggled to Move her hands to his waistband. She was so content on not moving, but wanted to feel him closer to her. The fabric was hindering her pleasure. She hooked her thumbs under his band and slid them down. He helped her free him of the first layer between them. Their eyes locked, both sure they wanted this, prepared to deal with the consequences at a later time. They needed to be close to one another and forget the past months of loneliness. The partners knew there was no other place in the world they would rather be.

Deeks Unfastened Kensi's lace bra. He removed the fabric and then focused on shedding her of her lacy matching thong. He was even more in awe at that moment. Kensi was a little shy lying in front of him completely exposed, but was eager to complete the task at hand.

She returned his gestures by guiding his boxers to the floor. Deeks slowly moved to position himself near her entrance, which was anxiously awaiting him. He again kissed her. This time the passion exploded as their tongues met and entwined. He slowly moved inside her. It had been months, he had no desire to tease her, no desire to play games. His only desire was to make passionate love to her to ensure her they would eventually figure out their thing.

She groaned softly and he moved inside her. His motions were slow at first. She matched his movements. Pleasure overtook them both as they kept eye contact the entire time. They pleased each other in ways no one else they had ever been with had. It was if they were one being. A wave came over Kensi, she knew this was the man she was meant to spend the rest of her life with. She couldn't explain the feeling. It was a mixture of pure emotion, happiness, fear, pleasure, they pain they had both endured over the past years, peace, and most of all love. They feelings over took her and she lost contact with his eyes. Unbeknownst to her he was feeling the exact same way.

He grabbed her face to look at him again. She closed her eyes in a mix of pleasure and the other emotions that were overcoming her. He began kissing her again so they could climax together. When they completed the current mission they were on, deeks moved to lay beside her and wrapped his arms around her. She closed her eyes and was content. She fell asleep instantaneously, as did he.

The sunlight peered through the window. Kensi didn't want to open her eyes. Neither one had changed position from the previous night. She knew she needed to go home to change, so a repeat of their previous indiscretions would not be noticed.

"Good morning" she muffled out, barely opening her eye lids.

"Mmmm indeed."

"I need to go home before I go in."

"Probably a good idea," he smiled. "What's in the box, Kens?"

She punched his bare shoulder. He was in utter ecstasy through his pain.

"I guess our thing is still pretty strong," she smirked.

"We'll figure it out, I promise" he assured her.

"I know," she leaned over and kissed him gently. "See you at work."

The next few cases were like normal. They worked at work and spent most nights together afterwards. Not all nights were spent doing "extra curricular activities", however, Many nights they ate dinner, put in a movie and fell asleep half way through. They would car pool to work on sleep over nights, but nothing concrete had been set in their thing.

"What's shakin partner !" A exquisite dark haired woman ran up and hugged Deeks. A few pleasantries went around the team, while Kensi watched unhappily.

"And this is Special Agent Kensi Blye," Deeks introduces the two women, certain trouble would soon follow.

"Ah, so you do exist, I thought you were an imaginary friend."

Kensi did not find that comment amusing. "Imaginary friend," she said with a snark and a fake smile.

"You were on another assignment last time we hooked up," DEA Agent Talia De Campo hinted that more happened between her and Kensi's partner.

Callen and Sam found this most entertaining as Deeks tried to cover Talia's bluntness. "Partnered, teamed up." Explaining the past circumstances.

The team continued on, discussing the current case. As the team headed out, Kensi and Deeks were heading to the car to drive over to the boat shed. The little green eyed monster, as Deeks referred to her jealous, was bubbling to the surface.

"She's pretty."

"Who Talia?" Deeks played dumb.

"No Queen Elizabeth," Kensi remarked with irritation.

"Ha regal maybe. I always thought her sister Princess Margret was the hot one."

"Owe!" He shrieked as She slugged his arm

"Don't be an idiot."

"You're the one who brought the Windsor's sisters." He replied rubbing his sore arm.

"You can't tell me you don't think she's attractive."

"You know what, I honestly never even noticed."

Kensi wailed on him again.

"Ah God Alright, ok I've not noticed that she's not not attractive."

"She's beautiful."

"You're beautiful!" Deeks retorted.

Kensi huffed not knowing how to respond. Instead, she hauled off and punched him again.

"I don't know why you punched me then, What is that for?"

Kensi shrugged, "for good luck?"

"That's not, that's not good luck."

Why don't you just get in the car in drive."

Deeks rambled on about how her abusive nature was not good luck. Kensi was oddly silent on the drive which made Deeks uncomfortable. He knew from past experiences how jealous Kensi could become even if she'd never admit it. Kensi's eyes were off in the distant thinking about how close they'd become over the past few month. Now here was this beautiful bombshell hitting on her partner. She felt her blood boil as she wondered what might have happened between Deeks and Talia when she was in Afghanistan. He moved his hand to her leg to assure her he had no intention of anything with Talia, other than work. His touch brought her out of her trance.

"I meant it when I said your beautiful."

A small smile came across her lips, but Kensi being Kensi was far from satisfied. "Talia is as well."

"Kens, I don't want anyone else. I don't care how beautiful they may or may not be."

"Then why can't we figure out our thing?"

Deeks let out a slow puff of air and ran his hands through his mop as he did when he was uncertain what to say. "I don't know."

Again unhappy with the response, Kensi retreated to silence. They reached the boat shed and walked in. Talia was not going to stop baiting the other beautiful brunette in the room. "Last time i was here, you had to carry me to the bathroom, remember that?"

Kensi looked back at Deeks. Again, jealousy was overtaking her veins. Deeks explained about the past case and the poisonous fish. When both women fought to go to the bathroom, Kensi finally won. Talia pressed Deeks about his feelings for smoking hot partner, but the detective wasn't budging. Kensi returned, her locks were shed from their previous ponytail and her shirt lowered just enough to entice her man. "Her man?" She thought to herself. She was unsure why she was acting this way, but she wasn't letting another woman take what she had been working for since the day she met him. Talia was up for playing Kensi's game. Deeks was dumbfounded. He had rarely seen Kensi this possessive. He definitely had seen the green eyed monster, but this was a new level. He could tell she was threatened by Talia. He wasn't sure how to reassure her, that their thing was real even if they weren't official. He couldn't make it official with her, even if he wanted to. He could lose everything if he did.

Kensi made sure Deeks and Talia didn't have a chance to be alone together. She finally lost control when Talia was antagonizing her. "I'm not trying to poach your boyfriend!" Talia said with a tone of hostility. More words were exchanged when Kensi completely lost her self and head butted Talia. The act of aggression was returned with a punch. The cat fight was separated and Kensi suddenly found a clue to the case at hand. After that, everything fell into place rather quickly. Sam and Callen were safe from the submarine explosion and the drugs were secure. The whole day of emotional turmoil reached Kensi's core. In true form, she hid it well from everyone, except Deeks. Talia went on her way, Sam and Callen went home to rest. The wondertwins were exhausted as well and headed out.

"Guess it's just us," she quietly said to her partner.

"You good?" He pondered.

"Kensi shrugged, "What are we doing, Deeks?"

"Trying to figure this out." He sincerely said. "I've haven't seen you this jealous since Monica and the diamonds."

Kensi gave him a look that cut through him. Knowing he hit a sore spot, but still being at work, he softly whispered, "Let's go to my place."

Kensi nodded, not wanting to be alone either. They walked out of the boat shed and went to the car. Kensi let out a sigh as she got into the Audi. Deeks got into drive. They were both emotionally drained from the fear of losing Callen and Sam, even though it turned out for the best.

"How's the lip?" Deeks figured he'd lighten the mood. "Probably better than Talia's nose."

Kensi couldn't help but smile. She buried her face in her hands embarrassed by her reactions to Talia's taunting.

"You really like me don't you?" He prodded her. Her response was to punch him once again. "See you're like that 2nd grader who beats up the boy she has a crush on."

Kensi could help but giggle. In all reality, he was right. They pulled up to Deek's place and went inside. "You pick the movie tonight," Deeks suggested.

"I don't know Deeks."

"Come on Kens, what's wrong?"

"You said we wouldn't have to chose."

"We're not."

"We need to," she pushed.

Deeks ran his hands through his hair, as he always did when he was nervous. "Can't we just keep doing what we're doing for now?"

Kensi sighed. "I guess." She knew she wasn't going to get very far tonight. She was too emotional to continue on anyway. He saw the frustration in her eyes. Their fear of losing everything would continue to be a hinderance.

"Let's watch Titanic," he said pulling her to rest against him.

"Ok," she quietly responded letting him put his arm around her. She closed her eyes as soon as her head nuzzled comfortably on his chest.

Now that Sam and Callen were safe, Hetty headed to Washington to face the heat from the White Ghost fallout in Afghanistan. This brought about a whole new set of problems for the team. The DOJ was sent to investigate the department. The team had work to do as they received intel that information about Hetty's house was bought on the dark web for $250,000. The team received a 6am morning call. Another night of falling asleep watching tv, Kensi woke Deeks up to head to the mission. "I wish you had a snooze button," he whispered as she hurried him to get ready. Later that morning, Deeks randomly suggested they move in together. Or at least she thought that's what he was eluding to. Kensi confused as ever with their thing, played it off as a joke, "I would live with Monty before I live with you."

"Well, that goes without saying cause Monty is a catch, what I'm saying is we're a package deal."

"Oh you mean I get a Dog and a Mutt," she laughed. She wasn't completely against the idea even if she said she was. She wanted them to figure their thing out before moving in together, even if they stayed with each other nearly every night already. She started leaving things at his house for convenience, as he did at hers. It wasn't a bad idea to save money, but if they didn't ever become a real couple, it would become awkward.

Thinking they may have a mole and trying to figure out if Hetty was alright after collapsing at her congressional hearing, they were all gathered in the boat shed trying to come up with a plan. Eventually, DOJ found the boat shed. Agent Wallace handcuffed Callen, who of course escaped, leaving Kensi to be questioned next. Forced to relive her beatings and torture in Afghanistan, all while lying next to her ex fiancé emotionally broke Kensi. Wallace suggested the taxpayer dollars should not have been used to save her, made her heart sink. She had never felt worthless at NCIS, until then. Deeks could see Wallace's questioning got to his partner. "You ok?" He asked.

"Ya why wouldn't I be?" She tried to hide her emotions.

Deeks shrugged, "I don't know, what'd they ask about."

Kensi not wanting to discuss the questioning she just went through motions and coyly answered, "um just Hetty, uh Afghanistan." She started to turn away.

"Wanna talk about it?"

"Nope," she turned completely around in case the tears she was holding back began to fall.

"I always find that it helps me when I talk about things that are bothering me."

"That's funny cause it never helps when you're bothering me," she tried to laugh through the tears that were starting.

"Touché" he softly said, "except I'm being serious."

The tears were flowing now. "Come on partners don't keep secrets" he told her.

The thoughts going through her head we're making everything worse. "Partners," she responded knowing they were more, even if they refused to admit it.

"I mean that's what we are right. We're partners, come on low five."

She slapped his hand "you have to connect or it doesn't count." She repeated her gesture harder this time but turning a little. He saw the tears "oh my god come here," he grabbed her into a tight embrace. "It's ok"

"I just want to forget what happened," she sobbed.

"I know you do, I know you do but you can't and the harder you do the harder it's gonna fight back, trust me. You just gotta let it out. You gotta make peace with it and that takes time." He shared with her the emotional turmoil he went through earlier in the year. She knew he was right.

"I'm so much tougher than this." She wiped her tears.

"I know you are you're tougher than me and that's tough." He wiped her hair out of her face. She could see the love in his eyes. Why couldn't they just stop being scared and move forward together she wondered as he joked, "even with this adorable veneer."

She couldn't help but smile,"and just like that the moment is way gone."

"That's ok, I've got more moments." He watched her walk away to clean up her tears. He couldn't help but love this woman more and more through her strength. He wanted to tell her, but the time was still not right.

"Cmon, your place tonight. I think you could use your own bed." Deeks said as she came out. While she was in the bathroom Callen had called and told them to call it a night. Nell was a wreck from having to kill someone to protect herself. She had never been in that situation and needed to reflect. "We will probably have an early day tomorrow, let's grab take out and get some sleep."

"You'll stay with me?"

"I wouldn't leave unless you asked me to," he reassured her.

They stopped at their favorite place, Yummy yummy heart attack and brought it back to Kensi's.

"You barely ate," he picked up Her carton and tried to feed her.

"I'm not hungry."

"Kens, you need to be strong. Who knows what tomorrow will hold."

I just want to take a shower and go to bed."

"Ok," he said softly.

"Come with me?" Her eyes met his with a need he hadn't seen before.

"I don't know if that's a good idea tonight."

Her head dropped a bit, "Maybe you're right." He saw the disappointment grow in her eyes.

He walked over to her. "You're such an amazing person, Kensi," he moved her hair from her face. She locked eyes with him again. He knew it was probably not a good idea with all the emotions she had been through today, but he couldn't resist those brown eyes. He leaned down and kissed her. Gently at first, then more passionately. He wished he knew what this woman was doing to him. He did know. She was unintentionally making him fall deeper in love with her. He continued to kiss her, only breaking to lift her green shirt over her head. He kissed her neck and shed his shirt as well.

"A shower sounds great," he whispered unbuttoning her jeans.

Soft moans came from Kensi's lips and he continued undressing her and himself. He motioned her to the bathroom and turned the shower on. When the temperature was perfect, he brought her in with him. He slowly washed every portion of her, kissing her body when the soap was gone. He pushed her gently against the shower wall. She lifted her leg so that he could easily gain access. He slid himself deep inside her. He knew there was no turning back at this point in their relationship. He knew he would eventually have to let his guard down and let the world know this woman was his forever. He was just so uncertain how to do that and keep the jobs they loved. His mind raced with a thousand thoughts. Her soft groans became louder as he pushed deeper. He didn't want this moment to end but both were reaching ecstasy and unable to stop it. Kensi kisses him with a passion so deep. They finished showering and got ready for bed. He knew she needed him close to her tonight. He crawled in and lifted the covers for her to join. She snuggled up against his warm body and was at peace within seconds.

The next morning Deeks and Kensi in their usual routine arrived at work together. When they ran into Granger, their fears struck up again. "I need to talk to you two,"

"We car pooled" Kensi nervously responded.

"Ya going green," Deeks cut in. Granger obviously had other concerns then Kensi and Deeks outside of work friendship. The pair continued to bumble their words about wearing underwear or lack of. When Granger left to find Nell, Kensi was mortified at herself.

Deeks noticing her tense up, "relax Kens, there are bigger fish to fry right now."

Kensi nodded knowing they had work to do in finding Matias and keeping Hetty safe.

Another day, another case and now a Mole. Kensi felt she needed to open up to Deeks more about her past. The current case had taken them to a dark place for her. She informed him she had lived on the streets there for a time after her dad died. He played it off, but he knew. "Hetty told you didn't she?"

"No, actually Hetty specifically said that she didn't tell me anything." Even though, When Kensi bonded with an 18 year old autistic girl, Hetty let deeks in on the secret.

"You can fool everyone else Deeks, but you can't fool me." He knew she was right. From the across the way he could see her. She knew him better than he knew himself, which brought him back to the fear. They were closer now then they had been and it was rocking him to his core. She opened up more about it as he tried to comfort the pain he could feel she felt.

Later, Kensi wanted him to know why she left out this important part of her past. "The only reason I didn't tell you about being homeless,"

"You really think this is the best time to have this conversation," deeks aiming his gun in the middle of a tactical part of the mission.

"I made a lot of mistakes, I only want you to ever see the best parts of me, ok?"

"Ok," he replied.

He slowly began making more innuendos that they come clean with each other, but he could never act on his own words. The nights he made love to her, he didn't want them to end. The nights he just laid beside her, he hoped the morning would be delayed, so he could stare at her for five more minutes.

More weeks past with the same routine. He could sense Kensi was becoming more impatient with their standstill. Recently, some nights she became restless with him next to her, rather than her normal peacefulness. When Christmas came he decided it was time. Even If it cost him his job, he didn't care anymore. He felt like he was hurting her by delaying the inevitable. Little did he know she was planning in her head what to finally say to him, to convince him it was time to move forward. When Joelle had been held at gunpoint, it gave him an opportunity to bring up their issues while using Callen and Joelle as a cover story.

"It's crazy that Joelle can't tell him how she feels,"

"Well if you can't get him a gift that says I care how you gonna have that conversation."

"So I was thinking, is your mom still going on that cruise for Christmas?"

"That's her plan," Kensi responded.

"And you still have a few days off ?" He questioned. Convincing her to go to Mammoth with him, he was excited to make their thing official. He thought it could be the perfect romantic beginning for their new official relationship.

Later during a conversation about their jobs and having outside relationships with people, Kensi huffed out "no one takes this job for the white picket fence. There's no time for personal."

"I don't know look at us, we're going to mammoth, that's personal," hoping she'd realize he was finally ready to take a leap.

"That's not personal, it's practical."

Deeks was a little frustrated, but hid it well. He didn't want to ruin the surprise he had planned because she was growing more irritable about their indecisiveness.

The case wrapped up and Joelle found out who Callen really was. He was pretty bummed, but couldn't turn down Michelle's invitation to meet at the skating rink. They all arrived and gave Sam a hard time about not being able to skate. The realization of Callen possibly losing his shot at happiness with Joelle, boosted Kensi's confidence.

"I'm. I wanna talk to you for a second,"

Deeks hoping she wasn't about to ruin his romantic idea, tried to avoid her by skating, but Kensi was persistent. "I gotta go skate!"

"Come here. Deeks!"

Realizing she wouldn't quit, he glided over to her, "go for Santa!"

Kensi couldn't find the words. "What's going on, you're freaking me out," deeks proclaimed.

"Oh my gosh, plan these things to say and when the time comes you can't say them."

Kensi finally had enough of their games, "This you and me, Kensi and Deeks, Deeks and Kensi, alone we're bold, we're brash we can move mountains, and together, together we're"

"We're safe," he interrupted her knowing where this was going.

"Ya, Together we're safe." She repeated.

"Ya, I know."

"I wanna be bold Deeks, but I wanna be bold with you," she said grabbing his hand and entwined their fingers.

He was bummed he couldn't be the one to make the big move, but excited at the same time. He could still make mammoth amazing for him and his girlfriend. Girlfriend his head spun, but they needed to finish their conversation before officially calling her that.

"So no more games?" He questioned.

"No more games."

"Chips on the table?" He asked.

"All in," she responded.

"All in," he repeated.

"Tonight," She began

"Tomorrow,"

"And, the day after," she began when he quickly interrupted her by grabbing her face a lavishing her with a passionate kiss in public. One he had been longing to do for quiet some time. The briefly paused to look at each other and smiled and began to kiss again. For a moment they forgot the world surrounding them. They too soon remembered they were out with Callen and Sam, Michelle and Cam.

"We can pick this up later," he winked.

She nodded and smiled as they skated towards Sam and his family.

Callen finally came back over, "I'm calling it a day," he said. "Joelle and I have some things to talk about." That was a perfect cue for the new couple to say their goodbyes as well.

"I'm gonna take Kensilina home, and get a head start to Mammoth. Have a great Christmas. See you guys in a few."

They returned their skates and headed home to finally make themselves official.


	2. Chapter 2

"Why are you so quiet?" Deeks questioned his girlfriend. Girlfriend he thought. The many years it had taken for them to get to this moment was finally worth it as he drove his truck up to Mammoth with her by his side.

Kensi shrugged, "just thinking." Deeks placed his hand on her knee.

"Are you regretting asking me to go all in?"

Kensi shook her head, "What? No, I just..." she paused not wanting to ruin their trip, but she was curious about something.

"What is it Kens?"

"It's nothing, it's stupid."

"I can tell when something's bothering you in that pretty little head of yours."

Kensi let out a small sound that was something between a laugh and a snort.

"I may not be able to fool you, but you can't fool me either."

"I know," she whispered looking down, moving her hand to pet Monty who was laying between them. The pooch was moaning softly in pleasure from her strokes. He nuzzled his head next to Deeks' hand on her leg.

"He loves you, ya know."

Kensi smiled, wondering if Deeks was only referring to Monty. "Tell me what's bothering you, remember partners don't keep secrets, and we're kinda partners in life now too, not just work."

Kensi took in a deep breath, "I don't really have a right to ask, but have you been with anyone else since we first were together."

Deeks let out a chuckle, "Really? That's what's bothering you?"

"I don't know. Maybe you've taken all your past ladybirds to Mammoth." She tried to bring a smile to her face.

"I thought now that we were official, that little green eyed monster would have gotten buried."

Kensi knew she was being ridiculous, but it had been bothering her for awhile. Especially since Talia had made many innuendos about her and Deeks. She was in Afghanistan, he was alone, nothing was concrete between them, she couldn't blame him if he had been with another woman. Deeks could tell she was certainly perturbed by the notion of him being with anyone but her.

"Baby," he said sweetly gliding his hand up and down her thigh, "you want the truth?"

Kensi's nerves bundles in her stomach. She felt like a school girl again. She was afraid of his answer, but of course she wanted the truth. "Yes," she said with a hint of fear he could sense.

"I haven't been with anyone since I met you. Ya I went on a few dates in the beginning, but nothing felt right. Work was the only place I wanted to be, next to you."

Kensi let out a little sigh of relief. "I'm sorry."

"It's ok. I know I have a wheel house," he smiled with his beautiful veneer, referencing when the partners went undercover at Tranquility Spa Rehab Center. Hetty had admitted Deeks' alias to the clinic as a sex addict, informing him this mission was in his wheelhouse. "But I only have a wheel house for you."

Her tension released a bit and she slid her hand on top of his and laced their fingers together.

"You were really bothered by the thought of me with someone else?"

Her brown eyes looked his way before looking down. "I don't know, our thing has been between us for so long, I thought maybe part of the reason you didn't want to try was because of other women."

Deeks couldn't help but laugh, "you realize for the past almost year, we've been basically staying with each other every night? And we're together every day?"

"You think I'm crazy, don't you?"

"Eh," Deeks joked. "Crazy for me," he winked.

"You're such an idiot."

"But an idiot that you like."

They arrived at Mammoth, a few minutes later. Kensi waited with Monty in the car while Deeks checked in. Their cabin was a little way down the road. Deeks hopped back in the truck and drove to their home away from home for the next few days.

"Ok Kensilina, close your eyes."

"What? What for?"

"Just close them, for me?"

Kensi rolled her eyes before doing as she was asked. He led her to the door and into the cabin. She could hear a fire already roaring. "Can I open them?"

"Alright," he let her gauge the room and find the treasure of marshmallows, chocolate, graham crackers and beer of course.

"Perfect" She giddily said running over to poach a marshmallow on a fire rod.

"You're so easy," he wrapped his arms around her while she toasted her marshmallow to perfection.

"Really?" She eyed him. "We will see who's easy." She opted to eat her marshmallow without turning it into a s'more. She slowly bit part of the gooey goodness, then turned around to tease Deeks with the remaining piece. She moved it near his lips then pulled it away taking another small bite.

"You're such a tease."

"I'm just getting started."

"Come here," he grabbed her and began kissing her marshmallow and all. He pulled her onto his lap so that she was straddling him. She could feel him stiffen between her legs.

"Who's easy now?" She taunted.

He brushed her hair away from her face and pulled down her turtleneck. He placed small kisses from her ear to her neck. His touch sent shivers down her spine. This would be the first time they would make love as a couple. Kensi tried to pull away to make him beg, but his grip was tight. He wasn't ever letting this woman go, and he was determined to make sure she knew she was the only one for him. He moved the front of her sweater down to kiss the skin beneath it. Small whimpers came from her mouth.

"Do you want to see how easy I am for you and only you."

Kensi let out a soft giggle, realizing she didn't have to be insecure anymore. He was putty in her hands. Kensi kissed his lips then moved to his ear and neck. He echoed the sounds of pleasure she emitted moments ago. He cupped her face in his hands and stared into her eyes. "I wanted to ask you to be my ladybird officially tonight."

"But I beat you to the punch?"

"Mmhmm, your so impatient sometimes," he smiled kissing her. She pulled back and gave him a look, then began kissing him. He was growing harder as she softly hit spots that caused him more ecstasy than he'd ever felt."

"Now whose growing impatient?" She teased sliding her hands down his chest.

"Touché" he grumbled. He picked her up still straddling him and carried her to the bed where he gently laid her down. He was kissing her more passionately. He ran his hands down to her jeans and unbuckled them.

Kensi sat up and returned the gesture. She slid his jeans to the ground, while he stepped out of them. He stood before her in his Superman boxers that had now become her favorite. She smiled at the sight of them. He was clearly ready to make love to her. He finished removing her jeans kissing her legs as he took them off. He lifted her sweater over her hands and head and then removed his own shirt. He laid on top of her kissing her lips, moving down her neck to her breasts. He unfastened her bra and suckled on her mounds of flesh. Kensi couldn't help but let out little sounds of joy. Tired of letting him lead, she flipped him over and remained straddled on top of him. She kissed down his chest to his stomach and slowly removed his boxers. He pulled her up to him and flipped her back over. Their eyes locked.

"I want to show you that your the only ladybird I'll ever need."

Those words gave Kensi much pleasure. She relaxed her legs and let Deeks glide in. He slowly pushed in deeper causing her to let out a louder moan. Deeks moves slow and gentle with her. He kissed her between every movement. The roar of the fire seemed to echo the heat between them. They were engulfed by each other, making love as a couple for the first time, until they passed out from the exhaustion of emotion that over came them.

The weekend passed too quickly. It was Christmas Morning and they had to head home so they could work tomorrow. "Do we really have to go?" Kensi complained.

"I mean we could open up a little tiki snow bar and stay here, but you'd miss the excitement of getting shot at everyday."

"Thank you," she kissed his cheek. "This was the best Christmas ever."

Her eyes saddened a little. Christmas was never easy for her. She wanted to forget the past of being left on Christmas morning and move forward.

He lifted her face and kissed her, "I have something for you," he handed her a small box. "Merry Christmas Kens,"

"What's in the box, Deeks?" She cackled.

"Open it,"

Kensi looked up hesitantly. She opened the box with anticipation. Inside was a folded piece of paper. Kensi looked with questioning eyes at her new boyfriend.

"Before you read it, let me explain. After I was tortured last year, you know I wasn't sleeping."

Kensi nodded, knowing what a difficult time he had. She let him continue.

"There was many hours in the day in which I had time to process my thoughts. Meeting a few times with Nate helped put things in perspective. He told me to write my feelings down. That way I could see what I was thinking, since it was all jumbled in my brain. When I started writing my thoughts about you, I couldn't stop. Eventually, while you were in Afghanistan, I put those thoughts into a letter for you. I don't really know if I ever intended to give it to you back then, but I guess I decided it was time. I'm gonna take Monty for a walk before we head home, so you can read it alone."

Kensi kisses his cheek and nodded. She took the box and sat in the chair near the fire place. She carefully unfolded the letter and began reading.

"Dear Fern,

It's March 4,2014. You've been gone now for almost 3 months. I wake up in the mornings hoping each day will be the day your waiting in the bullpen for me so we could go kick some bad guys' asses. Every night before I fall asleep, i think about your smile, your laugh, everything that got me through the torture, it's all that gets me through the cold Lonely nights now, that and our secret chats that Nellasaurous set up for us. However, I do think she's falling in love with me, If only I could tell her that Fern is the only ladybird for me. I miss your smell of sunshine and gunpowder. I made a promise to myself, when you come home I'm going to tell you how I feel and stop being a terrible communicator. Insert snarky smile because you think you were right. I'm scared of losing everything, our jobs, our partnership, but in my heart, I know it will be worth it, to be able to call you mine. Before you left, you were scared too, but I promise, if you give us a chance it will be amazing. Today, we had a case and we teamed up with DEA. I was partnered with what some would say was a stone cold fox, she obviously was intrigued by the Deeksness I emit, who could blame her honestly. Large smile here. In the past, I may have entertained the idea, but honestly Kens, your it for me. I just hope that when you come home, I can be brave enough to tell you to your face. We can ride around in my truck, go bowling, get ice cream, all the things i told you we could do. Maybe giving me your dads knife was just a knife, but I want it to make us official. I don't want to spend another night without you next to me. You being gone has made me come to terms with my feelings. So there I said it, I like you Kensi Marie Blye, as so much more than a work partner. I trust you with everything, including my heart.

Only yours,

Max

Kensi was baffled. She knew their thing was more than either would acknowledge, but she had no idea he had truly felt the same as her for so long. She felt dumb for being so worried about Him being with anyone else. He came through the door moments later. Kensi rose from the chair and walked over to him not saying a word. She put her arms around his neck and reached up to kiss him as heartfelt as she could. He closed the door lips still locked. He paused for a moment to let Monty off his leash. "We have an hour til check out," he smiled.

She regained contact with his lips. They spent the next hour entwined in a tangled mess of their bodies and sheets. Enjoying every ounce of their new found relationship.

"We need to hit the road," Deeks moaned.

"I know." Kensi sadly agreed leaning over to kiss Deeks before exiting the bed. They gathered their belongings, Kensi hooked Monty back on his leash and the approached the door. She looked back at the mess they had created of the bed and smiled. Nervous and excited for the future in the real world. Deeks threw the bags over his shoulders and took Kensi by the hand.

The couple was content for the majority of the drive home. "How long are we going to be able to hide us?" Kensi began letting fear overcome her.

"Hey," he squeezed her hand that he had barely let go of, "if I have to go back to LAPD for us to stay together, I will."

"But I love working with you. Being your partner..."

"I know. We're good at what we do. We're gonna be fine."

"I hope so."

The next few weeks went well. The pair felt they were doing an amazing job hiding their personal relationships at work. They would go to one another's house every night, wake up go to work. They were never separated. Kensi felt Nell had a suspicion. She was brilliant after all. But true girl code and friendship, kept their secret. She needed her red head friend's help one day to surprise Deeks for his birthday.

"Nell, can you get everyone on board to meet at the restaurant tonight? I don't want anything to let on," she winked at her friend.

"I got it," Nell winked back.

The day was slow, Nell had informed everyone to meet at the restaurant on the beach in Malibu. Deeks loved the clam chowder there, and being January, the nights were chilly, even in California. Deeks loved his birthday. He was a little sad two years ago, when no one remembered and Kensi's went out with their informant instead of him. Hence the reason for the box, he had yet to open. Last year, she was in Afghanistan and they were only able to get a few encrypted texts across. This year, she was going to make sure everyone was there to celebrate.

"So birthday boy, clam chowder sound good?" Kensi prodded as they got into the Audi.

"Mmmm, I was thinking take out and then to my place so you could check out my birthday suit."

"Your such an idiot!" She loved calling him that. "I really want clam chowder though. You can show me your birthday suit later, I promise." She leaned over and kissed him.

"Whatever my ladybird wants, my ladybird gets. Even if it is the day I graced the Earth with my awesomeness."

Kensi shook her head, "just drive."

When they arrived, Deeks looked confused. "Kens, they look closed."

"Let's just go up and see."

Deeks got out of the truck and opened Her door for her.

"Your such a gentlemen," she smiled.

"I have to keep my baby happy, then she'll keep me happy," he added with a smile.

Kensi felt that deserved a good hefty punch in the arm. "Happy birthday," she laughed.

"I like when you abuse me."

"Come on Loverboy," she pulled him up the stairs.

"See, they are closed for a private event." Deeks observed the sign.

"That never stopped us before," she smirked. "It'll be like an undercover operation."

"I'd rather be under the covers," Deeks slyly replied recalling Kensi's choice of words.

Kensi wasn't amused with his response, "you'll be lucky to get under any covers tonight if you keep it up." She opened the door and walked in. "Happy birthday!" She smiled as all their friends jumped out to surprise him.

"Bab, Kensilina," he stopped himself to not give away their romance.

"Nell helped," she pawned off the credit.

"I knew you were falling in love with me Velma."

"Whatever Shaggy!" Nell responded. "Happy birthday!"

Sam, Callen, Beale, Hetty and Granger came over to toast the birthday boy.

"To friends, family, and the best coworkers ever."

"Thank you," he whispered to his partner, "best birthday ever,"

"Just wait," she muttered back.

The grin he showed made her heart skip a beat. She knew she made his birthday special and that's all that mattered.

Two months had past since they became official. Kensi had decided she would take Deeks to meet her friends. The next morning Deeks was being his usual self, and began teasing KK.

"I think we're moving too fast." Kensi exclaimed as they bantered back and forth about how much time they spent together and Meeting her friends.

"They make me happy,"

"Wait, do I not make you happy?"

"Yes you make me happy, but it's a different kind of happy."

"Wow! Ouch!"

"That came out wrong," she crawled back in the bed and sat on the edge.

"Is this really happening? Are we having our first fight here?"he waited for her response. "Kens?"

"I just," the phone ringing interrupted their conversation.

They both softly answered as to not let on that they were together yet again. The partners looked at each other as they were informed Sam had been shot. They got in separate cars and headed to the mission.

Deeks' Gurkha pal Thapa was part of the task on hand, which ended with Sam taking a bullet in the line of duty. The partners and Thapa were sent out. Kensi headed to check out a lead leaving Thapa and Deeks to discuss the argument. Deeks had an admiration for the cool little dude and even though he pretended to be neutral or leaning towards Kensi's side, Deeks still had a fondness for the Gurkha.

At the end of the day, Thapa saved Sam's life, but paid with his own. He had told Deeks earlier in the day that home was not a place, but a feeling. Staring at his partner, the woman he was so very much falling in love with more and more each day, he suggested they take a night off from each other every now and then. Kensi breathes a sigh of relief.

"I'm so glad you said that."

"Really, then why didn't you just say it first?"

"Because we had that stupid first official fight this morning."

"Can't be our first official fight, cause I don't even remember what it was about," he grinned.

"I remember exactly what it was about!" Kensi retorted.

"Well, I complete forgot, KK."

Kensi looked down but couldn't help but smile. "You ok?" Her concern for her boyfriend won out.

"Ya, I was just thinking about what Thapa told me about smiles. He said that smiles are a , never mind i will a, I'll tell you later."

Deeks leaning towards changing his mind about spending the night together was rambling on which made Kensi start to put on a smile.

"What?" She questioned as he stared at her in awe.

"Your smile is so perfect,"

This made her beam.

"And there it is. Night."

"Just go home," she told him as she walked away.

"Im already there" he whispered without her hearing, Realizing Thapa was right in his summation.

Another few weeks had past by, it was a Sunday and the couple was settling in bed for the night. "I think we should tell the guys," Kensi brought up.

"I don't know, baby." He rustled his hands through his mop.

"It getting harder to keep it secret," she lamented. "I feel like we are lying to them."

"I think Sam and Callen will be cool, I mean Sam and Michelle kinda happened the same way. The wondertwins won't be able to contain their excitement, even the munchkin, who probably had a hand in us somehow will approve, I'm worried about Granger Danger."

"He is hard to read. You said no matter what we'd figure it out."

He sighed a little, "I know. Let's just give it a little longer, ok. Maybe drop hints to see their responses."

Kensi was a bit frustrated, but went along with her partner. They settled in and fell asleep. The alarm went off extra early as the pair wanted to go a little out of their way, to train together without suspicion. While at the park, bantering about Deeks being a lean mean sex machine in his ladybirds opinion, kensi noticed a woman taking pictures of them.

"Do you think I'm being paranoid?" She was always trying to stay vigilant, especially now with so much to lose. They headed to the mission to begin the days work. Hetty immediately split the duo up, pairing Sam and Kensi and Callen and Deeks, in a change of pace.

Deeks and Callen were sent to make sure the C4 given to under cover agents, who were killed earlier that day, were properly tested to not blow up. "So Joelle's good?" Deeks nervously asked. Although he admired Callen, he always felt inferior to the senior agent.

"Jo's is good. She's great."

"Great"

How's Kensi?" Callen figured he'd let the detective know everyone was on to his and Kensi's secret.

"Why would you ask about Kensi? You, you work with her?"

Callen chuckled.

"You know don't you?"

"Of course I do."

"Who else knows?"

"Well, let's see, Sam, Nell, Hetty Of course, Beale, he took a while, but he finally got there, the guys in the motor pool, pretty much everyone by now."

"What about Granger?"

"Granger I'm not so sure about, he's definitely mellowed since the poisoning, but he could be biding his time waiting for the right moment to crush you both."

"Well, That is awesome."

"Don't pretend you didn't know the risks."

"I'm just wondering if this partner shuffle has something to do with that."

"That is a question only Hetty can answer."

At that moment, Deeks felt Kensi had been right about letting their team members in on their feelings. After they left, he sat for a moment trying to find the words to say. "Listen Callen,"

"You don't have to explain anything, I get it. Sam definitely gets it. We just wish you would have trusted us enough to be straight forward with us."

"Kensi wanted to, I was just nervous. I'm not one of you," he opened up about sometimes feeling on the outside.

"Your absolutely one of us Deeks, you make this team stronger."

The shaggy haired man was taken back a bit. "Thanks."

"Why you haven't signed the papers to be an Agent yet is beyond me, but that's your call. Just because you and Kensi have a outside relationship doesn't make you any less valuable. I just can't believe it took you two this long."

Deeks laughed. "That might earn a Touché."

Meanwhile, Sam was letting Kensi in on the fact that every knew about the couple.

"Am I ok with my co workers dating, No. Does that mean I want you off the team, hell no. And that goes for a Deeks too. Don't tell him I said that"

Sam filled her in on Michelle and his own adventures and let her know eventually they would have to figure out where this was going. She appreciated the senior teammates advice.

"I wanted to tell you guys sooner, Deeks is really concerned with Granger's reaction."

"He knows how good this team is, I think he'll be ok. If not we got your backs."

"Thank you, Sam."

The team solved the case in their usual manner. Not without some stressful moments, but when the day was done Hetty needed to talk to Deeks. Kensi by his side, the boss they respected so much filled them in that IA was opening an investigation into Deeks. Deeks deep down knew his past was bound to catch up to him, but he was yet to disclose any of it. Kensi in her normal worry fashion began to get knots in her stomach.

"They will use anything against you," Hetty told them.

"Me," kensi sighed sitting next to him.

"For now, stay vigilant, watch the shadows. I will do everything in my power to protect you two."

Kensi felt a little wave of relief, feeling like Hetty was unofficially letting them know she approved of their union.

Deeks was oddly quiet when they got to his place. "You ok? I'm usually the worried one?"

"Ya, just trying to figure out why IA is investigating me." Even though he was fairly certain he knew.

"Is there anything you want to tell me?" She asked hesitantly.

"No, except I like you," he winked at her lightening the mood.

"Still an idiot!"

"Hey, I meant it earlier when I said nothing was gonna tear us apart."

Kensi moved next to him on the couch. She turned his face towards hers and kissed him softly. "I know. And now that everyone knows, I think we're good."

"Ya, were good," he repeated trying not to get lost in his own worry.


	3. Chapter 3

"So how did Callen fair as a boyfriend? Is he as amazing as me? He gives a good smolder, but doesn't have the Deeksness I carry."

All Kensi could do was shake her head.

"You're thinking about trading me in for him, aren't you," he smirked.

Normally it was Deeks and Kensi pairing as a couple, but Callen needed to take the lead on this case. Deeks' teasing was his way of expressing his jealousy. He walked over and put his around her waist. "I missed sleeping with you the past few nights."

"Your such a prev."

"I meant sleeping next to you. The bed was lonely. Sleeping with you isn't half bad either."

"Mmmm well My bed wasn't lonely," she eyed him trying to make him a little more jealous.

Instead of bantering back, his eyes fell and a hint of sadness came over them. "I suppose it wasn't."

"Deeks,"

"It was for a case, I get it."

"You really think something would happen between Callen and I."

He ran his hands through his shaggy locks. "I mean, maybe he can give you little ninja assassins too, they wouldn't have as good of hair though. I just don't like the thought of you sleeping next to another man, even if it is another member of our team."

"Callen is like my big brother, you know that."

"I know," he said sheepishly. "I'm just not used to this."

"Used to what?"

"Feeling this way about someone."

She wrapped her arms around his neck and gave him a passionate kiss letting him know she would never want another man. Deeks had definitely been more on edge since he found out IA was opening an investigation into him. He hadn't been sleeping well, tossing and turning until he felt her next to him. He would only enter peaceful sleep if her body was touching his. "How did you sleep the last few nights?" She asked.

"You know the answer already," he told her. She did. She knew he probably didn't sleep much and if he did, it was likely restless.

"Why don't we call it an early night?" She suggested. She could see Deeks was still unsettled. "Baby? You wanna talk?"

"Not tonight, your right, we should call it a night."

Kensi nodded and headed up to the bedroom. Deeks followed close behind. They settled into bed and she immediately snuggled next to him. The muscles in his body seemed to relax as soon as she touched him. She still smelled like sunshine and gunpowder, the aroma was like a sedative for him. Even though a million things were running like a hamster on its wheel through his brain, he drifted immediately into a peaceful slumber. Kensi wasn't as lucky. She watched his slow steady breathing for a bit. She wished she could help him, but he wouldn't open up about what was bothering him. It disturbed her that they had been through so much, yet he wouldn't open up about his fears. She finally fell asleep next to her true boyfriend.

Kensi realized she was completely in love with this man. She wanted to tell him, but wasn't certain how. She was pretty sure he felt the same, but he had yet to say the words officially to her either.

One day, The pair were in the woods searching for clues. Kensi began talking about her dad. Deeks loved hearing the stories of how Donald Blye taught his princess how to be a A kick ass Kensilina. "My dad would have liked you."

"Well that would have been an honor, cause he was an action star."

"Yes he was."

"He and I were a lot a like."

"No he and Sam were a lot a like, they would have been friends."

"Like he and I would have been friends."

"I never said you would have been friends, I said he would have like you."

"Exactly!"

"Because I love you." She stopped not meaning for it to come out that way at that moment through their bantering. "Because I like you," she tried to recover.

Deeks smiles from ear to ear. "What was that? You love me?"

Kensi kept walking further in the woods. "Baby," he called out. "I love you too."

She stopped in her tracks. "What?" She turned around.

"I love you too," he said winking at her. "And if we weren't in the middle of this case, I'd show you how much."

She felt weak in the knees. Butterflies fluttered in her stomach. They finally said those words that had been almost impossible for either one of them to say. "I think we can take care of that tonight," she winked back. It may not have been the way she imagined they would say it, but none the less they crossed the bridge.

Months passed by. Deeks hadn't brought up the IA investigation. They still were alternating sleepover houses. Deeks began acting strange. "Why don't we take our night off tonight and maybe tomorrow too," he said softly in fear of her reaction.

"Really?" She questioned. They hadn't taken many nights off, even though they had agreed to every now and then. Truth was neither one slept when they were apart. Kensi immediately thought the worst and assumed the IA investigation had heated up. "Deeks what's going on?"

"The plumbers, ya Im having some plumbing issues. A leak."

"Ok stay with me for a few days."

"No, I have to supervise."

"Deeks! What is going on?" he wouldn't answer her. He kissed her gently.

"See you in the morning."

Kensi sighed and went home alone. She hadn't been home but 20 mins when her phone buzzed. "Good night, baby. I already miss you."

"Good night. I love you." She wanted to text him more and inform him she knew he was hiding something but she trusted her lover. She knew he'd tell her when he was ready.

"I love you too."

As expected, Deeks tosses and turned all night. His mind kept running. He couldn't leave and she couldn't come over. It was an impossible two nights. The second morning he woke for work running on fumes from lack of sleep.

"I made you breakfast, come eat before you leave."

"Mama, I can't, I'm already late. And can you not blow up my phone today, my partner is getting suspicious."

Roberta looked at her son, "your partner," she eyed him.

"Yes, Mama Kensi."

"When am I going to meet this Kensi, Martin."

"Why, why do you need to meet her? That's not a good idea. There's no need for that."

His mother smacked him across the arm, "Well if the two of you do meet you'll have that in common," he whispered to himself.

"I have to go. I'll see you tonight."

"I'm making lasagna, your favorite!" She hollered after him. "Bring Kensi!"

When he entered the bullpen the team was discussing their favorite meals, Kensi trying to see why Deeks was being weird chased after him to catch a glimpse of his text.

"What is going on Deeks?"

"I told you the plumbers are there."

She looked him over suspiciously, "if you say so."

"So is that where Jack proposed? Over the best truffle meal ever?"

"Why are you being so insecure lately?" She questioned.

"I'm afraid of losing all this. Losing you."

"You don't have to worry about that. I can't imagine anything you can do, that would make you lose me."

Deeks tell tale nervous tick went into play. Running his hands through his hair, she new he was a bottle of nerves.

"When you're ready To talk, I'm here." She tried comforting him.

Just like that, Talia walked back into their case. They had to go to a safe house to talk to her. Deeks looked at his love, the fact that he had spent the last two nights alone was now making her a bit uneasy. Talia's partner had been murdered and the team helped investigate the Citadel, which performed a test in which Hetty herself made.

The three pulled up at Talia's partners house. Talia explained she had never met his wife, which brought about a bickering session between the couple.

"I think hiding stuff is a bad idea!"

"Do you have any idea what she is talking about?" Deeks asked Talia.

"You are an idiot" Talia responded.

"Ya that was a rhetorical question."

"Why did you spend the last two night alone in your apartment?" Kensi was now going into overdrive.

They bantered about deeks cleaning after the plumbers and how he likes it very clean. Talia taking advantage of their arguments,

"Of course not Deeks, I'm still waiting on you."

Kensi eyed the other brunette. "Sorry about that,"Deeks said.

"I'm gonna take the high road on this."

"As opposed to?"

"Bleeding her out," Kensi felt her blood boil.

Kensi was trying not to be frustrated with her partner. It wasn't his fault that Talia took every chance she got to test her boundaries. She was cleaning her gun when same came into the armory to check on her.

"How do you do it Sam?"

"More being less doing."

Kensi liked that. She knew she was driving Deeks crazy by trying to have the perfect relationship. She was threatened by Talia even though she had no reason to be. She was mad at Deeks for hiding whatever it was. She took a deep breath and decided to use Sam's tactics.

That afternoon Deeks and Talia had to meet the head of Citadel in an undercover operation. Talia grabbed Deeks hand. Kensi followed Sam's advise, less being more doing, trusting her man only had eyes for her. Even when Talia kissed him, kensi took the high road.

"Dinner?" Kensi asked.

"Ya we should do that thing where we eat dinner."

"Good cause I have reservations at Georgio's and it is truffle season."

Deeks phone pinged again as Kensi tried to look.

"Georgio's truffles sounds, I have a better idea."

"Ok?" Kensi looked with curiosity.

Trust me?"

"Eh?"

"Come on."

They got into the car. "Where are we going?"

Deeks didn't answer.

"Deeks?"

"Just trust me ok." He ran his hands through his hair and let out small slow breaths. He was completely nervous to have the woman he lived meet the woman her birthed him. "On second thought maybe Georgio's is better. You love truffles."

"Deeks! I cancelled already."

"Ok here goes," he said as they walked up to the door. "While truffles are obviously a delicacy, you never asked me what my favorite dish was. And why I have a confession to make there was no leak and therefore no plumbers."

"Then why do you look so nervous?"

"Well your about to find out." He walked her in the kitchen and told her lasagna more specifically his moms lasagna was his favorite dish. Kensi realized it was his mom that had been staying there and blowing up his phone.

"I know your not making me meet her for the first time."

Roberta came out as Deeks introduced them.

"Mom this is kensi and kensi this is my mom and those are words I just said out loud. "

"Hi it is a pleasure to meet you," Kensi nervously shook her hand.

"You cook?"

"No"

"You wanna learn?"

"No"

Roberta smiled, "I like her."

"Ya, I like her too."

After dinner, the three chatted and Kensi and Roberta got to know each other.

"Well, I've overstayed my welcome. I have to be heading home, you too have a good rest of the evening," she winked.

"Mama!" Deeks cringed.

"What you finally introduce me to a pretty girl. What am I supposed to think." She threw a kitchen towel at him.

"Let me walk you out."

"I'm a big girl Martin. Tend to your beautiful guest. Kensi it was wonderful to meet you. Keep my son out of trouble."

Kensi smiles and nodded as Deeks still walked her out.

"So that was nice," He said as he came back in.

"Very nice," she walked up to him and pecked his lips. "It would have been nicer if you told me what you were hiding."

"I guess I'm still not the best at communicating. Can I make it up to you?"

"I think I can think of a few ways." She grinned walking up the stairs.

"Oh girl," he followed behind her.

Kensi didn't waste any time removing her clothing. She was wound up from the secret and from Talia's advances on her man. She had missed being with him the last two nights.

"Wow, I don't even have to work for it," he shrugged.

He quickly shed his clothing and climbed on top of her. "Mmm, I missed you, he said burying his head into her breasts. He slowly kissed down her stomach and proceeded lower. "I know how to make you feel better. His sentiment was already relaxing Kensi's fears. He moved back up after his first task and slowly slid inside her wetness. She moaned from pleasure, she moaned from relief. He was her's and he wasn't hiding anything that she knew of. For the moment, they focused on them. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you my mom was here." Deeks said as he glided in and out.

Kensi's brown eyes looked up at him. She flipped him over staying connected and took the lead. "Can we not talk about your mom while we're doing this." Kensi moved up and down faster than he was.

"I'm mean she'd probably be happy."

"DEEKS!"

He laughed and flipped her back, "ok. No more talk," he kissed her with all the pent-up anxiety he had over the past few days. "I like you," he smirked.

"Just like?"

He paused for a moment. He locked eyes with her, then lips. "I love you."

"I love you too, so much."

They fell asleep with out any restlessness and slept the entire night without a movement.


	4. Chapter 4

A new Detective for IA. Detective Whiting was on a war path to take down dirty cops. She replaced detective Rivera who had started the investigation into Deeks. Whiting has Deeks arrested. He informed her he wasn't dirty and she was barking up the wrong tree. He was being accused of killing his ex partner Boyle.

While trying to clear Deeks, Eric and Nell found a woman named Tiffany that he had been giving $400 a month to. Kensi showed up at the precinct. "My partner has being giving $400 a month to a hooker."

"You found Tiffany, that's not good"

"No its not."

Deeks explained to her that maybe he should confess to avoid going to county. Kensi refused to listen and stormed off to the mission.

Kensi needed to save her boyfriend. She stormed into Hetty's office demanding her to get Him out now. "They are sending him to county, do you know what they'll do to Deeks in county with criminals and drug dealers that he helped put away. You said You were in my debt Hetty, I'm calling in that marker now."

"Go home Ms. Blye, get some sleep. Try to eat something."

Kensi went home and pulled out her laptop. She started looking for things. Something clicked in her brain. "He killed Boyle." A tear slipped down her face. She just wished he had trusted her enough to tell her. She decided she wouldn't say anything to him. She would let him come to her and hopefully he eventually would. It killed her that he lied to her, but in a way she understood. She was hurt, but needed to focus on saving him. She could only hope that Hetty's plan would get him out of the mess.

Eventually the team drew out Bruce Steadman and it was made to look as if John Quinn killed Boyle. The team headed out for drinks, but Deek needed to stop at the mission first.

"You could have lost all this," Deeks looked around.

"You or me, Mr. Deeks"

"Both"

"Why did you do this?"

"Why did you kill Boyle?"

"He was going to kill Tiffany."

"Why didn't you tell the others."

"It's not my story to tell, then again Im not sure it's yours either."

"How do I keep this from Kensi?"

"I always find that keeping secrets are easier when you have no one to share them with."

All the way to the bar Deeks thought about Hetty's statement. Deeks no longer wanted to be alone. He didn't want to have no one to share his secrets with. He needed to tell Kensi the truth, but he needed to find the right time.

"Hey babe," she said as he walked in and joined the team. They were all on their third round already, so Kensi was feeling a little tipsy. "You have a lot to catch up."

"I'm just gonna have one, so can drive you home, but you carry on. I like a sloppy drunk Kensilina," he tried to whisper, but was overhead.

"TMI, Deeks, TMI," Callen blasted.

"Sorry," he winked.

A few hours later and a very drunk Kensi, Deeks was ready to head home.

"Come on princess, let's get you home." He shared good night pleasantries and helped her in the car.

"Baby," crawled over on her seat to get close to him.

"You're so drunk, Kens."

"You said you like a sloppy drunk Kensilina," she said slipping wet kisses on his neck.

"I do, but it's been a hell of a day."

"But I can make it better," she whined.

"Baby you can't even stand up straight. We have all the nights in the world."

"Fine," she pouted. "But I don't want to sleep alone."

Deeks obliged and took Kensi to his place. Deeks helped Kensi up to his bedroom as she could hardly walk. He helped her out of her clothes and into her tank and boy shorts she had left there for their sleepovers. He laid her gently on the bed where she passed out. He got in next to her and kissed her cheek. "I'm sorry for lying to you he whispered, knowing she was too drunk to remember.

The next morning Kensi woke with a terrible headache. "Why didn't you stop me from drinking so much?"

"You needed to unwind."

"I guess. It really was an awful day. I was so worried. And I found out my boyfriend has been giving money to a hooker."

"Kens, please."

"You have a good heart Deeks, I just..."she stopped not wanting to let on she knew he killed Boyle.

"I should have told you," he started.

"Do you have anything you want to tell me now?"

Deeks thought about telling her then, but couldn't bring the words. "No,"

"Ok," she softly said. "Can I ask you something?"

Deeks was hesitant, "I guess"

"Are you going to keep giving Tiffany money? I know it was for a good reason, but I'm not trying to be selfish, I guess it's really none of my business," she began regretting asking the question. "We should probably get ready to head into work."

"Hey," he stopped her in her tracks. "I already told her that I had to stop. She thanked me for my help and understood."

Kensi nodded, disappointed in herself for asking, but pleased her boyfriend thought about it without her. They quickly got ready and went to the mission.

Deeks struggled all day. He was not going to be able to hide the truth from her for very long. It was eating him up. He tried to play by asking her if she could have anything for Christmas what would it be. Her response a baby tiger. Deeks was a bit frightened by the love of his life but amused by her at the same time. He couldn't hold the guilt of lying to her in anymore. They were watching a store for Korean spies, Kensi played his game back.

"Ok what would you want for Christmas if you could have anything?" She asked.

"That's easy, forgiveness."

"Forgiveness for what?"

He finally decided to come clean and tell her he killed Boyle to protect Tiffany. Kensi filled him in that she figured it out.

"Why didn't you say anything?"

"I figured you'd tell me when you were ready."

Deeks was so full of emotion. He couldn't believe how understanding this woman was. "I'm sorry."

"It's ok, but no more secrets."

"No more secrets" he agreed

"Do you have any idea how much I love you right now."

He wanted to kiss her so badly, but Kensi being on the job only gave him a peck., a fraction of a kiss according to him.

"Then You'll get the other fraction at home."

"Oh," his eyes lit up. "Before we put the coms back in, do you want to describe in detail what that fraction will entail."

"If you keep talking, it will entail nothing."

"Hmm good talk," he smiled at her.

When they returned to his place after work, Kensi kept her promise.

"I think I owe you something," She said with a very sexy tone. She headed upstairs without another word. When she returned she was wearing a familiar sexy Mrs clause outfit from the morning.

"Oh my Kensilina, I don't think Hetty could compare to you in that!"

"Deeks! Your ruining the mood," she shook her head with that thought. "Well, How do I stack up against the bimbo from the toy store." She cackled.

"There is no comparison." He began kissing her bare neck.

"Wait, I have something for you. If I am wearing this, you need to wear this for me." She held up a sexy Mr. Clause pair of boxers.

"Do I really need these?"

"For now." She winked.

"Deeks obeyed his lady, "What the lady wants, the lady gets."

"What I want is you," she said when he returned. She kissed his neck and nibbled his ear. He returned the favor.

"Merry Christmas Kensi. Thank you for being so amazing."

"Shhh," she covered his lips. "Merry Christmas Deeks," she slowly slipped off his Santa boxers.

"That didn't last long," he said sliding down her Mrs clause outfit.

Kensi pushed him on the couch and took control. She straddled over him and guided him where she wanted him to be. He grabbed her hips and moved her at a pace that was satisfying for both of them. Her kept his lips on hers the entire time.

"I love you so much," he said as he climaxed with her.

"And I love you."

They spent Christmas with their extended families at Sam's house. As predicted, the mothers sat and talked as they drank coffee. Kam was in heaven with all her gifts. Aiden and Callen chatted about NCIS, with Sam listening to every word. Michelle and Kensi took a second to talk.

"You two look quite happy," Michelle said.

"Ya," Kensi nodded.

"It's not easy," Michelle could see a similar look she experienced when her and Sam were early in their relationship. "But it's worth it."

"I can't believe it's been a year," Kensi felt like the time had flown by. "Was it hard for you to leave the CIA?"

"I missed the excitement, but there's a different kind of excitement now. I look forward to Sam coming home each night. I'm not going to lie, I do miss it more, as Kam gets older, but I'm happy with my choices. When the time is right, you will be too. There is nothing that says I can't go back when Kam goes to the academy. I did enjoy the Sidorov case, even if I did almost get killed, but I got to work with Sam again."

Kensi Hugged Michelle. It helped her think about the future, and what she might want. "Thank you for having us tonight."

"It's our pleasure. Your family."

"Thank you for helping me see things in another way as well."

"You two are gonna do great. Sam loves the both of you, but don't tell Deeks."

"I won't" she laughed.

Kensi looked over at her boyfriend who had sat down next to Kam. He let her show him all her gifts. The light in her eyes was a picture Kensi wouldn't soon forget. She wasn't sure where the feeling came from and wasn't sure how long it would last, but she knew it was something she wouldn't mind exploring one day when they were both ready.

The couple had been spending pretty much every night together. Most of the time they spent was at Deeks' house. They were finishing up breakfast, Deeks famous frittatas.

"We should move in together," Kensi blurted.

Deeks choked a little on his food. "Really?"

"Well, we spend every night together, mostly here. Why do you act surprised. You suggested it a few years ago, before we were even together officially."

"As I recall you said you would live with Monty before me."

The pups ears perked upon hearing his name. Kensi scooped a little piece of her eggs and fed it to him. "You said you were a package deal. Why are you being weird. Do you not want to live together. We practically do now anyway."

"No I just, I think it's a great idea."

"Okay!" Kensi was excited, "it's settled, we're moving in together."

Deep down Deeks wasn't sure. As with all their giant steps, he was scared something would fail. He hated when he felt like that, he just wanted to enjoy every moment, but there was always something that wouldn't let him. The universe always seemed to be against him.

They arrived at work. Kensi was hoping Deeks would be more positive. Sam and Callen were not surprised by the news, thinking they were already living together since they practically did. Eric with his excitement screamed "are you gonna get a puppy now too! A little brother or sister for Monty!"

"No, no puppy, just moving in together."

Kensi and Deeks' news was short lived as they sent to a safe house to watch over Jack, Kensi's ex-fiancé. Of course Deeks was bothered by the way the world seemed to work around them. The woman he loved and was taking a huge step forward with, was stuck guarding the man who left her. The man who made her weary of love. It took Deeks so long to break down her walls, it took just as long for him to let his own down. Kensi was held hostage by the Taliban with this man as well, so he knew this would bring up nightmares for her again. He hated having nightmares in front of here, he rarely did when she was next to him, but wasn't sure they would always be subdued by her touch and smell. He had a feeling she felt the same, but he knew how peaceful she was by his side. Deeks let her know it was ok to explain her feelings to Jack, he knew she needed to in order to move forward. After Jack left, the two grabbed the car and headed to get Kensi's first load.

"Woman, you have so much stuff!"

Kensi laughed. Well we can get one load tonight and then get noodles. Deeks had suggested noodles earlier, but she was anxious to get some of her stuff to his place. Deeks face lit up. "Can we have desert after noodles?" He set his box down and walked over to his partner and put his arms around her, snuggling his face into her neck.

"We're not gonna have time for noodles if you keep this up."

"Shouldn't we christen your place goodbye?" He remarked feeling a bit possessive. As much as he liked Jack and respected his and Kensi's friendship, he couldn't believe anyone could walk away from this amazing beauty before him. He began nibbling at her neck and then up to her ear.

"We have work to do," she whined.

"You don't like this?" He questioned still nibbling at her ears.

"You know I do."

He slid his hands under her shirt caressing her skin.

"Deeks!"

"Cmon Baby, you know you want to. One last time her." She couldn't resist his ocean blues staring into her soul.

She lifted his shirt and kissed his bare chest down to his stomach. Deeks pulled her up and pushed her back against the wall. His kisses become more fervent. He wanted this woman more than anything at this moment. He unbuckled her jeans and slid them down her long legs. "Your so beautiful. I love you Kensi."

"Are you feeling a little jealous?" She could tell he was holding her with a passion she'd never felt.

"I just need you to know I will never be so stupid as to leave you. Jack doesn't know what he lost. But his loss was my gain."

Kensi's heart melted a bit. "I love you and only you." She moved her hands down to his jeans. Taking them off with his boxers.

"Well now that you have me exposed, whatever will we do,"

"Shut up," she paused him down on the couch.

"So abusive."

"And you absolutely love it," she said kissing him.

"I do as much as I love you."

There he proved to her how much he loved her. Making passionate love to her for the last time at her place. They were moving in together and he couldn't have been happier. His life was becoming fuller than he had ever dreamed.

Kensi has been thinking about her talk with Michelle at Christmas for a few months. She wasn't sure where her head was at. Deeks and her had been official for over a year now. They were settled in living together and things had been good. Kensi stopped at the drug store to get to pick up her pills. She was standing in line and saw a magazine with a baby on it. Something made her want to purchase it. She tucked the magazine in her bag with her pills and headed home. She started suggesting to Deeks about getting a bigger place. The conversation carried over to the next morning. He wasn't sure what had come over her lately. She was very aggressive the prior night when she came home from the store. He liked it, and wasn't complaining, but she was usually only that way when she felt threatened. Things had been smooth so there wasn't much reason for that. They ate their breakfast and headed into the mission. Entering the mission they headed to the bullpen still discussing a bigger place. Deeks saw the magazine Kensi bought and thought she might be pregnant. Kensi dismisses his thoughts but was taken back by his fear.

"Are we really here right now. Having kids is the end of some pretty amazing things."

"Like our partnership." They went back and forth.

"But having kids is also the start of some pretty amazing things." He added, not quite sure how he felt.

At the end of the day, Kensi felt overwhelmed. "That was a crazy day," she sighed.

"Ya"

"I mean not crazier than we had before, but too crazy for two people to have a baby."

Deeks stopped. He was certainly torn, "I mean, I don't know."

Kensi wasn't certain that was the answer she wanted to hear. She turned to head out the door.

"Well is it too crazy for two people to get married."

"What? What did you say?"

"I was wondering if you thought it was too crazy for two people to get married?"

"No, I don't, I don't think it's too crazy for that. no."

"Sorry, is that a yes? Are you saying yes?"

"I'm not gonna say yes in the hallway of work, without a ring on my finger."

"So you want me down on one knee?"

"That be a good start."

"You want beach and the sunset with the ring,"

"Ya, Maybe then you'd have a chance." She turned and walked away. She was giddy.

"Baby that's still a yes, baby, huh baby, that's a yes."

They got into the car. "So we're getting married!" Deeks asked excitedly.

"Depends, are you going to propose for real?"

" You want to get married to me, though right, Be Mrs Deeks," he smirked.

She was excited at his semi proposal, but she was still a little unsure about their earlier conversation of kids.

"Would you have been upset if I was pregnant," she moved the subject.

Deeks got silent. "Upset? No, just shocked I guess. I don't know if we're or if I'm ready for that quite yet."

Kensi huffed not sure if she was even ready but she wasn't sure she wasn't either. As long as her and Deeks weren't on the same page it didn't matter anyway.

Deeks wanted to break the silence. "What kind of ring would make my princess happy." He always took clues from her, but wanted to find the perfect ring for when he did propose.

"As long as it's from you, I'll be happy."

"Did you pick out your ring when Jack proposed?"

"Why does that matter? I'm with you, not Jack, I love you, not Jack."

"I don't know," Deeks shrugged not being able to say anything without frustrating her.

"I'm sorry,"

"Kens, if you want to have a baby,"

"Deeks, I don't right now. I don't know when I will, I just, I don't know." Her heart was torn. She loved her job, she loved this man, but their world was too crazy to have a child. She didn't want to choose. She never did, but she knew back then and she knew now, one day she would have to.

"Ok," he nodded. "But we can still practice, right?" He joked trying to make her laugh. He succeed as usual.

"Your such an idiot."

"I'm your idiot."

"Yes, You are,"


	5. Chapter 5

It was now September, months since Deeks had unofficially proposed. He woke up early in the morning. "I have some training To get done, I'll catch up with u at work later on ok."

"What kind of training?" Kensi eyed him questioning his excuse for being up hours before they had to be in the office.

"If you must know, I'm training for a triathalon," he lied.

"Whatever, I'm going back to sleep."

"Sleep well princess," he whispered as she waved him away to return to her slumber.

Deeks in fact was on his own mission. He contacted an old informant who had an amazing selection of diamonds. A ring to ask the love of his life to marry him, with two diamonds side by side as a representation of their partnership, friendship and love. He purchased the ring and head on his way to work.

Shake ups galore we're surrounding them. Another possible mole, another retirement threat by Hetty, Dugan trying to move everyone around. Life at NCIS was uncertain. Deeks still thought about there conversation from months ago about kids.

"Maybe the universe is telling us it's time to move on to the next chapter of our life."

Kensi wasn't sure if she was ready for kids yet. The last few months with Aiden's school being under attack and the threats, she backtracked a bit on bringing a child of her own into this world. Protecting other people was all she knew, but she knew the world was dangerous and wasn't sure she wanted to do that yet.

Deeks on the other hand was becoming more and more keen on the idea. He was ready to make Kensi his wife and bring a whole new set of adventures into theirs lives. He was unsure exactly what they'd do, but whatever it was he wanted to do it with her.

While they were driving back to the boat shed, Deeks brought the subject up again.

"What changed?" He asked, "just six months ago I thought you were more ready. That magazine you bought?"

"That day happened then with the kids. Sam's kids are always in danger from the terrorists we put away, they went after Aiden in his school, I don't know. I guess I'm not sure the time is right."

"I understand that."

"Plus, I'd like to be married and have an official proposal before we actually have kids."

"Fair enough." He put the conversation on hold for the time being.

Deeks' luck with the ring was short lived as he had to swallow it and wait for it to be expelled from his body. When it was safely recovered he planned to get it on Kensi's finger as soon as possible.

That plan wasn't going to be anytime soon, as a high value target was spotted in Syria. The team was sent on a mission to retrieve the terrorist Asakeem. This was a dangerous mission, but as always the team was prepared to do what they needed. The mission seemingly went off without a hitch. However, while the helicopter was in the air, a rocket launcher took it down with one strike. The helicopter twirled to the ground, splitting in half sending wreckage everywhere. Sam and Callen were in one piece of the broken aircraft, calling to the junior partners they realized Kensi was trapped under a large part of wreckage. She was awake but stuck. Deeks was unwilling to rest even though he had no boots on and was dizzy from hitting his head. Sam ordered him to sit next to Kensi. Deeks couldn't think straight. The love of his life was stuck under this damn heap of metal and all he could do was sit next to her and hope they could devise a plan to get her home as he promised. His stomach turned in knots. He wanted to vomit. He couldn't cry because they had too much work to do. His heart hurt. He felt empty as he felt her slipping away. There was an urgency in Sam's voice to free her and get her to surgery. With the help of OPS back home, they were able to get picked up and get her to the surgery she desperately needed. They wouldn't let Deeks fly with her and Sam and Callen assured him she would be home before they would. Deeks showered and got changed with some clothes on the Naval base. They had to wait until morning to head home. Deeks paced in his Assigned area back and forth. He needed information on her MRI and CT scan.

"You need to eat something," Sam brought him a plate of food.

"I'm not hungry, Sam."

"Listen Deeks, she's in good hands. You'll be with her soon."

"I need to be with her now."

"I know brother, but you can't."

Deeks finally sat on his cot. "I don't know know how to do this Sam. Tell me what to do."

Sam could see the devastation in his teammates' deep blue eyes. He could see the tears struggling not to fall.

"Get some rest. Be strong for her. We're all here for you both."

"I love her so much,"

"I know, and for whatever reason she loves you just as much," Sam's teasing brought a small smile to Deeks' face.

Callen arrived at the door to check on Deeks as well. "Granger pulled some strings, he's got a private jet taking You home tonight, Sam and I will leave tomorrow as planned."

"Thank you," was all he could say. The entire flight home all that consumed him was their earlier conversation. If she had just agreed to leave NCIS, they may not have went to Syria. Although, Sam and Callen May have without them and the mission would have probably faired much worse. He would have Kensi in one piece though, he thought. There was so much he wanted to do with her. What if those dreams went down in flames, like the helicopter. Could he be strong enough. He didn't have any answers to the questions in his head. He fell asleep restlessly, hoping it would make the time go by faster.

Kensi had been transferred to the VA hospital near their house. His flight landed and he headed straight there. The doctors informed him she was still in a coma and couldn't predict for how long. They needed her to wake before giving a definitive answer on recovery time frame. It was going to be a long road. Julia wanted to stay at the hospital with her daughter so, He kissed her forehead and went home. He tossed and turned all night, but had agreed to go to work the next day, he needed sleep. He wanted her to wake up. He wanted to be there when she did. He didn't want her to go through this alone.

The next morning before work, he headed back up to the hospital. There was still no change in her condition. Deeks felt helpless. He went to work and tried to stay strong. It was wearing on him. He went back to the hospital and officially proposed the most romantic proposal, even if she wasn't conscious to hear or answer. He slept at the hospital when Kensi's mom didn't. He went back and forth from work to there every day. Every moment he wasn't working, he was by Her side.

Three weeks past and Kensi hadn't woke up. Again, Deeks by her bedside just talking to her about what they could do with an extra room in their house. "A Mancave, if you don't respond that's a yes, how bout a nursery If we if we ever have kids"

She stirred and after nearly a month she finally was awake. Deeks was overjoyed and trying to comfort a distraught Kensi. She couldn't squeeze with her left hand. Deeks knew her recovery was just beginning and he hoped he could be the man she needed.

Kensi began therapy and met a man named Sullivan. Deeks trying to be positive about it was encouraging of their friendship at first. Deep down he was hurting that he couldn't provide the comfort another man was giving her. Sullivan was encouraging her to be stronger, when Deeks did, she was negative and shot him down. He tried to propose again, but she wanted nothing to do with it yet. She wasn't going to trap him in a life of misery. What she didn't know was that living without her would be a life of misery for him. The weeks she was in the coma haunted him. He couldn't imagine his world without her. He made sure to let her know.

"Just go home Deeks! You don't have to be here every night."

"I don't have to, but I want to. Plus I've stayed the last two at home. And the doctor said if you keep your progress going you can come home next week."

Kensi sighed. She desperately wanted to go home but she was scared to. She was afraid she would hinder Deeks. She couldn't do the things they loved to do together anymore. At least not yet.

"Don't you want to come home? Sleep in your own bed. Monty misses you terribly."

Kensi was quiet.

"Baby?"

Kensi shrugged.

"You'd rather stay here with that Sullivan."

Kensi glared at him. "Are you serious right now?"

"I don't know Kens. I'm trying. I want to be here for you but you won't let me. Maybe I'm not what you want anymore. You can relate to him, I get that, but it hurts." He looked down at the ground. "Maybe you're right, I should probably go home." He walked over to kiss her forehead, but she turned her head. "Ok, I'll come by in the morning."

"Don't bother," she huffed.

Deeks' first instinct was to go to a bar and get drunk and forget their fight. His heart overtook that theory knowing it would make things worse. He went home to his empty bed. He shouldn't have said the things he did, but he was hurt. He knew this wasn't easy for her. But it wasn't easy for him either. He couldn't ask her to comfort him when she was the one who needed comforting more. He just wish she wasn't being comforted by another man. He tried to sleep but his eyes wouldn't stay shut. He took a shower to relieve his tension. When he was done, he got dressed and went back to the hospital. The hell if he was going to give up this woman without a fight. Granger had told him, the only way he'd fail her is if he gave up. So he wasn't giving up. He arrived back, she was sound asleep, most likely from the pain meds. She was only taking them at night, so she could be fully rested. He grabbed a blanket and pillow and set up his make shift bed on the couch.

When kensi woke up, her boyfriend was there. She was a little relieved. She hated fighting, she loved him even if she wasn't showing it right now. The doctor came in.

"Good morning, so Kensi, if you promise to keep up your ADL exercises, you can go home earlier than planned, how bout this evening."

Kensi's eyes lit up as did Deeks'. "I'll make sure she does Doc. Thank you for everything."

"I just watched over her, she did this. You have an amazing will Kensi."

Kensi smiles feeling encouraged.

"I'll pick you up after work with some yummy yummy heart attack."

Kensi nodded. "Sounds good."

She again spent they day with Sullivan. It started to feel like he was hitting on her a little, but she shook it off to Deeks' insecurities accusing her of not wanting to go home because of another man. She did enjoy his company why the recovered. They bonded over their therapy, but she could never love anyone as she loved Deeks.

He picked her up as promised with delicious food. They went home and ate.

"Checkers?" He smiled.

"I'm not really in the mood for a game Deeks."

"Doctors orders. You promised remember."

She reluctantly agreed but was having difficulty lifting the pieces. Deeks again brought up Sullivan against his better judgement.

"You jealous, your a little jealous," she smiled not so angry this time.

"I was just curious," he responded. The fact was he was insanely jealous. He hated that this man got to share so much of Kensi's time. He made Kensi entwine her fingers with his and reminded her it had only been two of Six months through her recovery.

"You're doing amazing. Better than even the doctors thought."

"I am" she said with confidence after a despondent feeling of never coming back just a few short minutes ago.

Deeks was having a hard time with her ups and downs, but he tried to never let it show. He stayed supportive With every mood.

"I'm sorry I'm still being difficult sometimes," she said softly.

"It's ok. It's better than watching you lie in the bed unresponsive."

"How are you doing. I forget this is just as hard on you."

"Me, I'm good. This is nothing."

"Deeks."

"Kensi, this about you, not me. Getting you 100% is all I care about."

"Ok," she stopped not wanting to fight or push him to open up about what he was going through.

"I'm glad to have you home."

"You're just glad I'm away from Sullivan," she joked. He couldn't hide the fact that she was correct in that assumption. "I love you," she spoke softly to him. "And only you. You've been my rock through this ordeal, even if I haven't shown it."

He was happy she said that. He needed the reassurance.

When they woke up in the morning they were both refreshed. "It felt so nice to sleep in our own bed."

"And to have you next to me. It's been a long few months," he lamented. "Do you want me to take today off?"

"No, I'll be ok. I promise."

"Well hopefully no one is trying to blow up LA today and I'll be home early."

"Mmm sounds good," she kissed him goodbye.

Deeks had the moms come over who began driving Kensi crazy. She sent them on their way. She was practicing her ADL exercises on her own when there was a knock on the door. She thought it was the moms returning, but to her surprise it was Sullivan.

He brought over beers and came in to hang out.

"So surfer boy at work?"

"Yes, he offered to take the day off, but,"

"But you needed time to adjust back in the home life?" Sullivan understood. She liked that but she also felt a little guilty spending the day with him.

"Something like that." They drank a few more beers and went for a walk. Sullivan was trying to convince Kensi to go for a ride in his truck.

"I can't, I have more exercises to do. I have to attempt to make something edible."

"Come on what's a half hour. Or are you afraid what's his name is going to come home and be upset that you went out."

"His name is Deeks, and he would be worried about me."

"Your loss Special K, maybe when I get back from deployment then."

"Maybe," she began feeling a little unnerved, Sullivan seemed to be making more advances, but again she blew it off.

"Thank you for stopping by. And again, for helping me make the best of my situation." With that he took off in his truck.

Kensi returned to her exercises. She made dinner and put it in the fridge. She left a note for Deeks and headed to the shooting range. It was late so she hoped no one would see her.

When Hetty was there it discouraged her. She knew she was making progress but wanted to be back at work, back with her partner, her fiancé even if it wasn't official.

He came home excited to see her. When he walked in his heart sank. He saw all the beer bottles and found the note about dinner. He was proud of her, but wondered where she could be. About an hour later, she walked in the door.

"Hi baby," he said to her. He could tell something was bothering her. Many thoughts ran through his head of who she shared all the beverages with, knowing she couldn't drink all that alone. As tough as she was, she would have been passed out after 3 or 4.

"Hey," she looked up with sad eyes.

"I waited for you to eat. It looks amazing. I'm so proud of you."

She didn't respond.

"Kens, what's wrong?"

"She made me shoot with my left hand. Who shoots with their left hand when they are right handed."

"Baby, your getting there. Three months ago you couldn't even walk."

"I'm just so anxious to get out of this house. I feel trapped."

"By me?" His eyes dimmed.

"I don't know. Everything Deeks."

"Who were you with today?" His eyes dropped. "It looks like you had a good time."

"Deeks don't start."

"Kens, I have a right to know who was in our house having beers with you in the middle of the day."

She looked down feeling like she betrayed him, but feeling angry for him thinking she'd betray him. She played with the imaginary ring on her finger. Deeks noticed her gestures.

"Are you having second thoughts?"

Her emotions were jumbled. She was depressed more than half the time. She tired to be happy, but was disappointed in her progress, even though it was better than anyone could have imagined.

"Maybe, I should go to my moms tonight." Deeks suggested.

"Are you serious?" Her silence finally broke.

"I obviously can't make you happy right now. You'd rather spend the day with Sullivan I'm assuming," he jumped to conclusions but was right in his summations.

"Yes Sullivan came over. We had a few beers, he wanted to take me for a ride in his truck, but I didn't feel comfortable, so I said NO, then I came in and made YOU dinner. To show my appreciation. You know I can't cook, but I made an attempt for you!" She began sobbing uncontrollably. Her emotions overtook her. She just stood, tears flowing.

Deeks' heart broke at seeing her this way. He walked over and put his arms around her and just let her cry. She weeped in his arms, not being able to stop. He held her tight against his chest.

"I don't want you to leave," she finally croaked out.

"I don't want to leave," he replied.

"I just want to be better, I want things to be normal again."

"They will be. I promise you," he cupped her face. He bent down to kiss her gently.

"I want to be able to make love to you," she started crying again.

"You will, when the time is right. Right now your body still isn't ready. And when it is," he winked.

That Made her lips curl up slightly. "Will you hold me while we sleep?"

"All night, if that's what you need."

She did need that. She needed him. They went to bed and stayed in each others arms the entire night. Kensi didn't sleep that well normally, either from pain or from depression or just from over exerting herself. But that night emotional and physical exhaustion took over and the feel of his arms wrapped tightly around her resulted in a night of sleep.

"Are you coming to the Christmas party?" Deeks begged his love.

"I don't think so."

"Everyone would love to see you."

"It doesn't feel right. I wanna be back and I have to wait a few more weeks."

"That's why you should come celebrate. If you change your mind call me. I'll come home to get you."

She was stir crazy all day. She couldn't sit still. She took up an attempt to bake cookies from scratch. She looked up a recipe, but needed a little assistance. She wanted them to be perfect. She immediately regretted her decision to call Roberta Deeks.

"No, I don't need you to come over. I just needed to make sure I was doing it right."

"I can be there in 20 minutes."

"No really it's ok, I'm putting them in the oven now and they would be done before you arrived."

"Are you sure. I don't mind. Martin will be so pleased."

"I'm sure. They are already baking. Thank you for your guidance."

She hung up the phone with a sigh.

The smell filled the house. Kensi was actually excited. The aroma made her mouth water a bit. She found a Christmas tin and filled it with the freshly baked goodies. She let them cool a bit and took one to taste.

"Not half bad," she was pleased with herself. She decided to shower and thought she was feeling up to head to the party.

Her stomach tied in knots as she approached the mission. She didn't want to be fawned over and she didn't really want to see Anna or Nell who had been filling in for her, but she felt it was good for her. Like ripping off the band aid, she couldn't hide for ever if she wanted to get back in the field. She imagined Anna was taking her place, but in reality everyone could t wait til she was back.

Deeks was shocked to see her reminding her he would have picked her up. He was glad she came and now that she was pretty much off her pain meds he thought he'd take the opportunity to get her a little tipsy.

"Nell's eggnog," he handed her a cup. "Drink up."

"Are you trying to get me drunk Detective?"

"Would it help if I said yes? I miss you," he winked.

"I miss you too," she knew they hadn't connected in some time. "Not yet though."

He agreed and was not going to push her. "Let me try these cookies you made? Did you use the same snickerdoodle recipe you used when we were undercover married couple."

Kensi slugged him, "I actually made these from scratch," again she was proud of her accomplishment.

"Kens, these are amazing," he stared at her in awe.

"What?"

"You never cease to amaze me with you will."

She blushed a bit as her boyfriend bent down to kiss her. Kensi was happy she went but was getting antsy to get back home.

"I'm gonna go, I'm pretty tired."

"Ok I'll follow you home. Let's tell everyone Good night."

They left the party and pulled up to their house. Kensi got out and walked to the door to go in.

"Baby," deeks called to her.

She turned around to see him staring at the sky. "Come here," he beaconed.

She obeyed his request. He took her hand and with his other hand he pointed to the sky. "Do you see that star," he asked pointing to the brightest star in the sky. "I wished every night on that same star, that you would recover completely. I knew you could do it, but that star, even on cloudy night seemed to shine through."

Kensi smiled. Watching him talk about something she had no idea made her realize more how hard things had been for him. She held his hand and stood outside for a few minutes. She turned towards him and kissed him. "I love you, I hope you know that."

"I do," he smiled. "Now let's get you some rest, I need my partner back."


	6. Chapter 6

A few sessions with Nate, a day spent in OPS driving Eric insane, Kensi was ready to lock and load.

"Baby, you know you don't have to come back yet. No one would blame you."

"Do you not want me back?"

"Of course I do. I mean Nellasaurus probably doesn't. Don't tell Beale but she's already completely smitten with me."

Kensi just shook her head. Deeks walked over and put his arms around her. "Baby, I am serious about moving forward with our future. Just think about it. You almost died."

"I know. But, I'm not ready to leave yet. I've worked so hard to get back out in the field. Get back out there with you. Please don't ruin this."

"Ok," he leaned down to kiss her. "Let's go partner," he grabbed her hand and went to work together for the first time in months.

A new realization that there was more than one mole, had shaken the team to it's core. Granger was arrested for the beating of a woman he met in a bar, and then subsequently stabbed, Sam was busted by the DEA, callen by ATF, Whiting arrested Deeks with a new lead to his cold case, Dugan shot by a sniper while the boat shed was being SWATTED, Hetty eventually left to take care of some unfinished business. Kensi was left in charge. She needed to get coms to Deeks. Nell took care of Callen's communications. Sam got DEA to release him. Kensi succeeded in getting Deeks the ear piece, but upon leaving the precinct, she was tasered and taken by Sullivan, who turned out to be a CIA officer named Ferris. The rouge group wanted revenge for the Afghanistan mission and Kensi's part in taking Ferris' leg.

Deeks put his freedom on the line to save her. He was going nuts. Losing his mind through his emotions, wasn't helping the cause. He made a deal with Whiting to tell her the truth if she let him out to save Kensi. Whiting was impressed by his love for his girlfriend. He was willing to throw away everything to save her.

"You're willing to risk your job and freedom to save her?" Whiting was intrigued.

"It's worth it. I'm not a bad guy, Whiting."

"I can see that Detective."

They drove to the mission and met up with Sam and Callen. They found a lead and a building where Hetty was. Whiting was shot by Carl Brown, but Deeks kept his word and told her everything how he Killed Boyle to save Tiffany.

Deeks was losing control. Kensi had fought so hard to come back to the team. Why didn't she listen to him and take more time. Why was she so anxious to continue in this life of danger. He almost beat Sabatino to death, he yelled at Hetty and blamed her, when in reality he was angry at himself.

He walked outside the boat shed to regain his composure. Sam knew his younger teammate was hurting.

"Deeks, you good?"

He thought about lying for a second but couldn't hold it in. "No, I'm not. I know you said she's as tough as nails, but I don't know if I am."

"Hey, you got this. I've watched you for months be her support. When things were tough, you were right there. When she pushed you away, you pushed harder to stay. Man that's love. You two are gonna do just fine. You've got the right attitude for marriage. Trust me. Michelle sees it too," Sam knew Deeks was planning to propose as he was questioning the senior agent earlier about the top ten places in LA, to find the most romantic way to propose.

"But what if she dies Sam, I don't know anymore."

"You're not gonna quit her now. You've worked too hard and you guys have been through way too much. Cmon let's go get her."

"Thanks man."

"You got it brother!"

They got a lead on Kensi and headed to where the phones that were in a text chain with Ferris were. Deeks without a thought double tapped Ferris to the head saving the love of his life.

"My baby's bleeding"

"I'm ok."

Callen came in to check on her. "Dad get out of the room!"

Sam followed in where Kensi repeated, "he said get out of the room."

Deeks finally revealed how scared he was. "You scared me." He held her face.

"You sure you're ok"

"I am now."

"You did good baby. Let me get you out of this chair."

"Please, I hate wheelchairs even more now!"

"Ya you do," he smirked. He uncut her zip ties and picked her up out of the wheel chair.

"Deeks, I can walk. I worked really hard to be able to."

"Just let me have this." He argued with her.

"Fine, but really?"

"Over the threshold." He joked with her.

Sam and Callen laughed watching the junior teammates. They all got back into the car,

"Hopefully we got them all. CIA, I'm glad Michelle's out," Sam was thankful, but his words caught Deeks. He was leaning more and more to moving to safer jobs, even though Kensi was not.

"It's been a tough year," Callen looked back and grabbed Kensi's hand. "I'm glad your safe."

"Thank you guys. For everything Over the past few months. Especially you," she snuggled up next to Deeks.

"Kens, we're still in work mode."

"We'll clothes our eyes," Callen joked, "I think this is an exception."

Kensi was exhausted but didn't want to let it show. She couldn't keep her eyes open, she dozed off during the ride back to the mission.

"We will take care of the paperwork, you take her home," Callen motioned to Deeks.

Deeks nodded in agreement, "Come on Baby," he gently woke her.

"Hmm, oh don't we have paperwork,"

"We'll get it Kens, go home and rest. We will see you tomorrow." Callen said.

"Ok," she wasn't prepared mentally to argue. The paperwork would be there tomorrow if Sam and Callen didn't finish.

Deeks drove them home. Kensi was still drowsy.

"I didn't feel this tired earlier."

"Your adrenaline fatigue probably. Cmon I'll get you into bed."

Again, she wasn't up to argue. Deeks had helped her many nights during her recovery.

"I love you so much," she said to him before drifting to sleep.

He felt her toss and turn most of the night. He pulled her close to settle her. Around 2am, she awoke. It was a usual routine for her. She always attempted not to wake Deeks, but never succeeded.

"Come back to bed, baby," he coaxed her.

"I'm sorry I woke you, again."

"Don't be. This is for better or worse."

"I mean, not yet, you haven't official asked me."

Deeks glowed. "Kensi,"

"And...that doesn't mean right here right now," she stopped him.

"I know, the sunset, the beach, with the ring, I remember. I did try proposing two more times since then."

"I was unconscious for one of those!"

"Let's go back upstairs. You need to be rested what if we have a big case today. I need a partner who can have my back ya know."

She let out a sigh and followed behind him.

The routine continued for a few more weeks. She was sleeping a little more every night. This particular night she was able to remain asleep til almost 630am. She felt good. Better than she had in months. Her mind was clear and her heart was full as she watched her boyfriend, hopefully soon to be fiancé, sleep. She was impatiently waiting for him to wake.

She didn't want to wait any longer. She started rubbing his back.

"Hey," he whispered.

"Morning,"

"You been up for awhile?"

"Sort of"

"Baby, I'm so sorry you can't sleep."

"I actually slept pretty well last night." She explained. Deeks was happy and wanted to celebrate,she had another way to celebrate in her mind. Shutting her boyfriend up was the first step as she climbed on top of him.

"Baby, you know how much I wanna do this, are you sure your ready?"

Kensi was more than ready and she could feel Deeks was definitely ready. She could feel him swell between her legs as she kissed him passionately. It had been quite some time and she was ready to reconnect. Her phone sounded.

"Don't get that,"

"Yup, we gotta go," she climbed off of him and headed to the bathroom.

He pleaded with her to come back for just a few minutes, but when she didn't, he quickly got up and joined her in the shower.

"You're not getting away from me that easy. You think after months of patiently waiting, I'm gonna let this opportunity go." He started kissing the back of her neck and down her back.

"We can pick up tonight, I promise. We really have to get in."

"It's LA, we will blame the traffic." He gave her huge blue puppy dog eyes.

"I can't resist the eyes," she turned around and kissed him.

Deeks wanted to be gentle for the first time they made love in over six months. Her gently held her up against the shower wall. "You good?"

"So good,". She motioned him to continue.

He gently lifted her leg. She hadn't been having pain lately, put he certainly didn't want to be the reason for it after so long. He positioned himself to slowly enter inside her. It had been so long. He held the back of her dark locks and nuzzled his face in the crease of her neck. He whispered her name in ecstasy.

"I told you I only needed 2 and a half minutes. I'm sorry baby."

Kensi giggled, "it's ok we have to go anyway."

"Tonight?" He eyed her up and down.

She kissed his lips and finished showering. "Depends on if you can make it longer than 2 and a half minutes."

"Touché" he kissed her again satisfied at where the relationship was headed.

They made it into work, holding hands the entire drive. He had his partner back. She seemed happier than she had been in months. Seeing her content made his heart full.

After work, they headed straight home. Deeks was quite anxious to pick up where they left off. They barely got into the door, as he was trying to remove Kensi's articles of clothing.

"Someone is impatient."

"I can't help it, I've been thinking about this all day."

"You have huh?"

He pulled her close to him. "We have all the time in the world now," he slowly kissed below her ears and down her neck and then over to her lips. She was ready as well, even though the morning tryst was nice, she wanted the evening to be perfect.

"Do you want a beer," she stopped him.

"Not particularly," he said keeping his lips attached to her body.

"What do you wAnt." She stared him up and down with her big Brown eyes.

"If you have to ask, I'm not doing something right." He pushed her towards the stairs, then wrapped his muscular arms around her and walked her up them.

They reached the bedroom and Deeks was fully ready to make the most of their night.

"Mm Kens," he was finding it hard to keep his composure. He pulled her shirt over her head and unfastened her bra. "I'm so completely in love with you."

She let her hands trail to the bottom of his shirt and helped him rid it. She unbuckled his belt and then his pants as he did the same to her. When they were both fully undressed she pushed him back on the bed. "Now to pick up where we left off." She climbed on top of him and kissed him for minutes. She was still a little timid despite the morning event. She slowly let him insert himself in her and she moved smoothly keeping him as deep as he could be for several moments. Deeks was determined to control himself this time. He gently lifted her up and softly placed her on her back on the bed. His movements were tender and gentle, making love to her. Their connection felt so strong after everything the past few months had brought. Deeks desperately wanted to tell her he was ready to make a baby, that night if they could, but he knew her body and mind still needed to fully heal. The depression, the injury, making a baby tonight, even if possible was far from a good idea. He wanted to propose as soon as he could make the time right.

He settled on a hint, "I'm ready to make a baby as soon as you are," he whispered.

Kensi wasn't sure what to say. She knew she wasn't ready.

He sensed her tense. "No pressure baby, I just wanted you to know."

Kensi nodded and reached up to kiss him, "I promise as soon as I'm ready, you'll be the first to know."

"I like the sound of that." He said as he continued to bury deep inside her satisfying both of them.

Kensi felt like herself again. After months she was ready for life to get back to normal. She woke up refreshed and elated.

"Good morning princess," Deeks smiled at her. He had woken up before her for once. He was content to watch her sleep.

"Do you feel like going surfing today?" She asked.

Deeks was overjoyed. Sam had told him to let her come to him. She finally did. He had been patient the past few months, not pushing anything on her. "Hell ya I do!" He jumped out of bed.

"Ok, settle down before you pull a muscle or something."

"Baby, I'm so happy. We haven't gone surfing since," he stopped not wanting to ruin the day.

"Before the crash. It's ok. And it's gonna change. We're gonna get back to normal."

He kissed her and pulled her out of the bed. "Let's go."

They spent the day on the beach. Surfing, relaxing on the sand, eating the sandwiches they packed, the day was wonderful.

"We could do this everyday." Deeks said.

"We'd be bored by the third day," she replied.

"Eh, your probably right. We'll find something when the time is right though."

Kensi let out a little sigh. "I suppose."

"We don't have to talk about this now." He knew she was getting wound up about moving on to new jobs. He only wanted to make suggestions every now and then to keep the idea fresh.

The sun was beginning to set, Deeks thought it would be the perfect opportunity to propose. He realized he left the ring at home. "Fragle rock!"

"What? What's wrong?" Kensi jumped.

"Nothing, I stepped on a sea shell."

Kensi eyed him not fully believing him. He smoothed it over by planting a kiss on her cheek and moving to her mouth.

"We should be getting home," he said in a sad tone.

They gathered the items they brought and headed home. Things felt good. They felt normal. The grove was coming back to the whole team. Their lives were about to be turned upside down. Michelle was kidnapped and untimely murdered. Kensi and Deeks discovered where Michelle was too late. Kensi was overly distraught. She held together strong until Michelle's body was recovered after being taken. Nell was grieving and felt so badly for Sam.

"I can't imagine losing someone that close to me." Nell cried.

"Neither can I" Kensi looked at Deeks. Setting off a flash bang, She kept the O ring from the bang. She walked over to her boyfriend. Tired of waiting, afraid of losing him, wasting time not being his wife. "Deeks can i talk to you?" She got down on one knee, "Martin Deeks will you marry me?"

"Baby, What are you doing. The guy, the guy has to be the one to propose."

"Really? Cause I think it's 2017 and you kinda had your shot."

"Not to be a stickler for details, but I've actually proposed three times, if you count the very romantic version I did while you were in the coma."

"Life is really short, Deeks. We saw that today, we see it every day and I don't know how much time either one of us have left, but I know I want to spend the rest of what i have with you. So what's it gonna be?"

" I don't know. It's a lot for a girl to process," he joked.

"Your such an idiot."

"I love you."

"I love you."

"Yes, absolutely ,What the hell." He excitedly said. "Let's take a look at this thing, I gotta be honest I thought there'd be a little more bling to it."

"Oh no, you know me, I'm More bang that bling."

"That's right sunshine and gunpowder"

The couple was overjoyed, but their heart still ached for their friend. They were not prepared to share their news until all the flames had settled. Sam was going to need time to adjust with his kids. Kensi asked Nell to keep the news between them due to the touchy situation. Nell agreed.

"I couldn't be happier for the two of you," Nell said.

"It's bad timing, but I can't go any longer without being his wife."

Nell hugged her friend. "We need some Sunshine through the dark skies."

"We do."

"So it's official, we're getting married." He said as they left to go home.

"It's crazy how such a terrible day can make you realize how much time we really waste," Kensi's mixed emotions were hard for her to process. She was sad that her friend just lost his wife, but happy she would soon be Deeks'.

"It put life in perspective. We do a lot of good for other people, but we need to do good for ourselves as well."

The couple arrived home. They imagined they would have made love to celebrate the occasion, but instead they were content just lying in each others arms. Relishing in the moment and not taking anything for granted.

Michelle's funeral was hard on the team. They were there for Sam. The kids were heartbroken. The guilt Kensi and Deeks felt was unbearable.

"I'm so sorry Sam," Kensi walked up to him.

"This is not your fault, Kensi."

"We were right there. I'm so terribly sorry, we didn't get to her sooner."

"Look at me. No one is to blame but Tahir Khalid . He's dead now. He can't hurt my family any more than he has."

Kensi nodded with tears in her brown eyes. Deeks was by her side. "Make every moment count," he told the couple.

On the way home, Kensi held Deeks hand as tight as she could.

"You good baby?"

"Not really," she sighed.

"Me either. Sam's right though. We need to make ever second, every minute, every moment count."

"We will. Always," she squeezed his hand. "I love you."

"I love you too," he squeezed hers back.

"We will tell everyone in a few days, after we grieving for Michelle."

"That sounds good. We can have a few days to enjoy it on our own."

"But we should tell our moms," Kensi suggested.

"You sure? I think we should just wait til we tell the guys at work. And Hetty of course, although she probably already knows. Somehow that munchkin knows things before we do."

"Deeks! They're our moms. We are their only children."

"Fine we will have dinner next week and tell them. I don't want all the hovering. You know how my mom can be."

"Next week it is then," she agreed.

"I love you," he said.

"And I love you."


	7. Chapter 7

"You need to tell your mom!"

"I tried calling, you saw that,"

"And you told her it wasn't important, that she could call you whenever."

"Fine, I'll go over there today, if it'll make you happy."

"Thank you."

The days was full of changes. It had been a few months since Michelle's death. EAD Mosley came aboard replacing Granger. Hetty had apparently retired yet again and Sam was attempting to put back together the pieces of his life.

Mosley was not keen on the idea of Deeks and Kensi's relationship and partnership at work. Sending Deeks back to LAPD for the time being, shook up the remnants of the team. Callen needed Sam back and wanted Deeks to remain in place as the liaison. It was yet another challenge for the team.

Deeks starting off to a hell of a day, decided to see his mom and tell her the news. His mom was in a relationship of her own scarring Deeks. After the day, he headed to the crime scene. Kensi greeted him, missing him terribly. He told her he couldn't talk about the day right now. Riding in the car she pressed him more about his meeting with his mom.

"What did she say?"

"She knew weeks ago, Your mom told her."

"I knew it! Deeks is she upset at us?"

"Not us, just me."

"Well you kind of deserve it."

"Touché. So how was Mosley the rest of the day."

"She was ok. She let Callen and I pick a lock and enter the house without a warrant. Still, She's not Granger." Kensi's eyes filled with sadness.

"I miss him too."

"Hopefully Callen can convince her to let you come back. It would be terrible not having you there to have my back everyday. I guess we will see what he can do once we get back to the mission."

"Not to beat a dead horse, but maybe this is another sign. We're going to be getting married soon. Maybe it's time to move on."

"Have you come up with any good ideas on what we would do?" She asked considering his proposal.

"I don't know, but at this point, anything is better than Mosley and the dog pound."

"The what?"

"The room Bates gave me." He shook his head. "Never mind."

"I'm sorry you had a rough day." She rubbed his shoulder and neck as he drove.

"It's better now"

"So our moms know, our coworkers know, how bout we set a date?"

"Baby, Whatever you want I'm good with."

"Deeks..."she paused.

"Kens, I would marry you tomorrow. Just you and me on the beach, but I know that's not what you want."

"I want you to plan with me, be excited with me."

Deeks sighed. Planning wasn't really his thing, but he would do anything for her. "Baby, I am excited, but plans..."

They got back to the mission. Callen succeeded in getting Mosley to allow Deeks to stay. Cases came and went as did the days. Every night the pair went home, Deeks would bring up leaving.

"Athena huh? I guess I could get used to that, can we compromise on Athena Sunshine?"

"It was just one suggestion, Deeks. We have time to come up with a name when we decide to get pregnant."

"We could work on that tonight," he grinned.

Kensi rolled her eyes at him. "We talked about this, I'm just not ready yet."

"But your thinking about it, right?"

"Not every day like you, I guess."

He placed his hand on her stomach. I know whatever little mutant ninja assassin we make is going to be amazing. I'm excited for the possibilities."

Kensi sighed in a mix of frustration and sadness. She wasn't ready to give him what he desperately wanted. "How bout dinner?"

"Sure, wanna go out?"

"How but I make us some Grilled cheese?" Kensi suggested.

"Perfect. Kids love grilled cheese."

"Big kids do too apparently." She shook her head.

Kensi grilled them up some sandwiches. And brought them to the living room.

"I figured we could watch Titanic." Knowing he had been pushing too hard.

"Ok," she agreed handing him the sandwich.

He took a bite and eyed it over.

"Is there something wrong?" Kensi asked her dissatisfied fiancé.

Deeks tried not to answer taking another small bite.

She glared him over. "What's the problem."

"It's just different."

"What do you mean different? Cheese butter bread, flip on the stove."

"I just like a few cheeses, tomato, onion, adds to it."

"That's not even grilled cheese Deeks! That's your own concoction."

"A concoction I like."

"So, you're telling me I can't even make grilled cheese correctly, how do you expect me to feed and keep children alive!" She was angry and ready to cry all in one.

"Baby what are you talking about? I didn't say any of that."

"Forget it Deeks, you want to have babies, but you don't even want to set a date for the wedding, and you want to criticize how I make grilled cheese!" She stormed up to the bedroom.

Deeks felt awful but a little dumbfounded as well. He wasn't certain what really had just transpired. He thought about going upstairs after her, make a stupid joke, have her call him an idiot, and make things better, but he figured he had pushed her too far tonight. He had seen her like this during her recovery and the more he pushed the worse it made it. He decided to finish his grilled cheese and go to sleep on the couch. There wasn't many nights that they slept apart, but he concluded it was for the best tonight.

Kensi waited patiently expecting he'd chase after her. Many nights played that way during her recovery. She fell asleep waiting. When she woke up in the morning, he was already getting ready for work. He saw the stern look on her face. He decided to remain quiet.

"Do you want me to wait for you," he finally broke the silence.

She slammed the door without a response. She wasn't sure why she was acting the way she was, but she couldn't help the way she was feeling.

Deeks arrived to work without her and of course the boys were on him immediately. Kensi arrived a short time later, still upset.

"This is so much more than grilled cheese," Callen surmised.

Kensi got an immediate call to fly to Colorado. There wasn't much time for the couple to talk.

Deeks felt horrible the whole day, he couldn't talk to her and was worried she could die. He was angry at himself for going to bed angry and walking up angry. He vowed to himself that would never happen again, especially as long as they were in this job. As soon as he was informed Kensi was safe, he was relieved. The emotional day was getting to him. He headed to the roof for air. He wasn't mentally prepared to see her, as much as he wanted to.

Her flight home, all she thought about was him. The call she made broke her heart. How could they have left things so unraveled this morning. She was nervous to see him.

"Hi," she tapped him as he was lost in thought looking out at the city.

"Hey. Well it's official, I'm never gonna criticize your grilled cheese again."

"That was the hardest thing I ever had to do."

"What's that making the grilled cheese or single handedly saving the world from nuclear holocaust."

"Making that call to you." She took a deep breath. "How long are we gonna do this for?"

"I mean you're the one who wanted to stay in so why don't you tell me."

"I don't know,"

"That's great."

"I don't. I don't know."

"I can't go through what Sam went through. I mean honestly, I don't even know how that guy gets up in the morning. What are we doing?" He took a long pause. "You're everything for me. And um I hate feeling like this, because you're my world."

"You are mine." She put her arms around him and kissed him tenderly. "You're my world." They held each other on the roof for what seemed like an eternity. Neither one wanted to be the first to let go.

"I'm so sorry, can we never go to bed mad again?" He looked into her dampening brown eyes.

"I think we can do that," she said. "I'm sorry too."

"Let's go home baby." He took her hand and walked her to the garage.

"Can we leave my car here tonight?" She said realizing they had driven separately.

Deeks nodded not wanting to let her go. They made it to his truck, hands still entwined. He let her in the truck and squeezed her hand before letting go. He quickly got into the drivers side and regained his hold. They drove in silence, keeping their grip as tight as they could. When they arrived home, they repeated the same motions. He held her hand to the door. When they were secure inside she grabbed him tight again and broke down crying.

"Baby," her eyes filled with tears as she looked up at him. He brushed the hair from her face. She kissed him with all the passion and emotion she had in her. At that moment she was unsure of what she wanted. She knew they day was hard on both of them. A small part of her had wished she could just get pregnant right then, forcing her to chose to get out for the safety of their child, she knew that wasn't possible. She also knew she shouldn't make such a big decision in the heat of the moment. All she knew was that she needed him. She needed his touch, she needed to feel him next to her, inside of her, as close as he could be to her. Without another world, he took her upstairs. He slowly undressed her from her clothing. He kissed her lips, then her neck. She softly moaned. He undressed himself to mirror her. He cupped her face and stared into her eyes, still damp from the tears. "I love you so much. I can't imagine my life without you."

The tears began welting up again. He kissed her more tenderly. He laid her on the bed. He caressed her body, keeping his lips attached to her. He slid her up to the pillows. He kissed her down her body. His touch made her tingle. She loved the way he made her feel. His kissed her more passionately as he became anxious to please her.

"I love you so much Deeks, I'm sorry I'm not ready to get out." She tried to fight back tears.

"Shhhh, baby. We'll figure it out." He placed his lips on hers to silence her. His hands moved to her breast, softly rubbing his hands across them. They were both ready for more. He moved to be completely inside her. Feeling everything around him, he pushed a little harder and deeper, but still attempting to be gentle. His passion took over and he began to move more intense. She filled with pleasure as he moved faster. Soon they both became engulfed with the heat and love surrounding them. They moaned with ecstasy in unison. Calmness finally swept over Kensi, feeling the tension from the day lifting away from her body. Deeks continued to stay wrapped around her. Their eyes closed as they passed out from elation and exhaustion.

Mission by mission, Deeks was growing impatient to leave the dangerous life and start something new. The wedding planning was moving slowly, but coming along. They still hadn't set a day, but they had discussed some major parts Kensi desired.

"I really wish Granger was still with us," Kensi lamented one evening. They had been in a pawn shop and Deeks had admired a veil telling kensi she would look beautiful in it. Her desire to have Granger walk her down the aisle since her dad was gone, was crushed as they found out he had passed away.

"I miss him too, he helped me a lot while you were recovering from the crash in Syria."

"You never told me."

"I mean he just gave me a pep talk and wanted me to focus on you unless they needed me."

Kensi smiled.

"He loved you."

"He loved you too," she whispered back.

"Maybe," he chuckled, "in his Granger Danger way."

Deeks shared with Callen his growing desire to move on. Callen not wanting to lose his team tried to assure him they could find a way to make it work. Deeks was still uncertain. His new mission was to buy and restore a bar that they could all hang out at, and that soldiers who needed a place to hang their hats could go as well. He brought them all one night to his adventure. He hadn't officially told Kensi yet, so he felt like he needed protection from her.

"We have a bar," she said with a hint of nervousness and excitement. It would be a lot of work, so she knew it gave her some time, but it also made her realize that time was dwindling before she had to make a decision.

"Baby, are you sure you're ok with this? I'm sorry I didn't tell you."

"I guess you kind of did. I just didn't take you seriously."

"Ya," he ran his hands through his hair.

"You really want to get out don't you?"

"I think part of me will miss it, but the other part of me knows how amazing things could be with a little princess sunshine to raise."

"We agreed that would NOT be her name," she interrupted.

She thought about talking to him more about what the future held, but she didn't want to ruin his excitement. She considered talking to Hetty about getting Nate to come home for some sessions. She needed to work through some issues in order to give Deeks what he wanted.

She tried to think of something they could do together and she still feel like she fulfilled her life goals.

As they were getting ready for bed, Kensi began growing more nervous about the future.

"How long do you think it would take to have the bar up and running?"

"Hopefully less than a year, I mean if we stay in and have some time consuming missions it could be longer, but if we get out," he winked, "and put all our time into it, 9 months tops. We could have a little mutant assassin growing in here during that time," he rubbed her belly.

"Deeks."

"I'm just saying."

"I know." She sighed.

Her head spun all night. She couldn't sleep. She was anxious about Deeks growing desires. She loved her job, she loved working with her partner, her fiancé. As much as she could imagine her and Deeks raising their little mutant ninja assassins, she couldn't picture a job she loved as much. None of her near death missions had phased her recently, save when she had to enter the Silo, that shook her a bit, but she regained her composure to keep doing the job she did.

He could feel her toss and turn, but didn't know how to comfort her. He knew they were on different pages for the time being, but he had faith that after their wedding, they would be closer to the same page.

They started getting excited when they agreed to get Married on their beach in Malibu and have the reception right their as well. Things seemed to be falling more into place.

Then, Mosley's son had been found. The team was going to set off on an off the books mission to Mexico to bring him home to his mom. In the heat of the issues, Mosley fired Deeks. Deeks being ready and looking for signs pushed Kensi more.

"One last Mission and we're done"

"I'm not ready to do that yet."

Not being able to come to any sort of agreement on their future right then, Deeks' was hurt and devastated.

"I don't think we should be getting married."

Kensi was blind-sighted by this statement. "What you are saying to me, is if Indont leave my job, then you are leaving me."

Deeks attempted to defend what he was saying, but Kensi refused to give him the opportunity. She stormed off to save Mosley's son.

Deeks wasn't letting his team down or his partner, no matter what Mosley said. He made it before the plane took off.

"I'm still your partner, at least one last time."


End file.
